deepundergroundpoetry.com
Immobilized
Her longing for her son to be well
free from the mental institution
and the memory erasing
electric shock therapy
has sucked her into a vortex
where everything is frozen in time
she watches the clock on the wall
as it fails to tick
a drop of water hangs
ready to splash but hangs midair
these are her feelings suspended
all encompassing pain
she drinks to feel numb
though this sucks her deeper
into the pit she has fallen in
needing to be sober for her son
feeling it won't be long
until she is committed as well
lost where people are forgotten
where you are but a statue
immobilized by fear
the starkness of reality
too much to bare
so you get lost in fantasy
Where the sun shines
and the devil isn't whispering
in your ear telling you dark secrets
only you can hear
and for awhile you can rest easy
no longer smothered
by the smell of disinfectant
on your plastic bed
free from the mental institution
and the memory erasing
electric shock therapy
has sucked her into a vortex
where everything is frozen in time
she watches the clock on the wall
as it fails to tick
a drop of water hangs
ready to splash but hangs midair
these are her feelings suspended
all encompassing pain
she drinks to feel numb
though this sucks her deeper
into the pit she has fallen in
needing to be sober for her son
feeling it won't be long
until she is committed as well
lost where people are forgotten
where you are but a statue
immobilized by fear
the starkness of reality
too much to bare
so you get lost in fantasy
Where the sun shines
and the devil isn't whispering
in your ear telling you dark secrets
only you can hear
and for awhile you can rest easy
no longer smothered
by the smell of disinfectant
on your plastic bed
Published 27th Jun 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 12
reading list entries 4
comments 23
reads 1137
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
27th Jun 2012 7:14pm
Oh my god!!!!!!!!!! Oh can't even comment right now. There is nothing worthy. I will be back when I catch my breath.
27th Jun 2012 7:19pm
Exhalllllllllllllllleeeeee.. Damn. I have a son. He was also ummm taken possession of. I couldn't stop drinking still can't. He is 18 now. You can't imagine or yes you could how this just touched me. There is absolutely nothing on earth more beautiful than honesty and release. I have a respect for you that doesn't touch the earth it levitates in mid air like the drop of water. nothing can touch it. much love to my dark princess of the waters. A beauty unmatched!
Oh Mistress of darkness I feel for you the love you must have for your son and the tenderness you have shown me by your understanding touches my heart greatly..You are a beautiful strong woman..much love to you and thank you Crim
27th Jun 2012 7:28pm
27th Jun 2012 8:08pm
27th Jun 2012 7:29pm
It is a love poem.
You touch through your breath of words. I read much that gives me some sensory stir...you strike deeper with your naked lines.
You touch through your breath of words. I read much that gives me some sensory stir...you strike deeper with your naked lines.
27th Jun 2012 8:09pm
27th Jun 2012 7:54pm
A lovely but haunting piece. A couple spelling errors:
first:stanza one, line three. *Erasing.
next: stanza six, line three. *too and *bear
finally: last stanza, first line. *awhile.
I also have an editing suggestion. In your second to last stanza, I would eleminate the you between telling and secrets. The next line already specifies that the secrets are for you and you alone. I just think that having the "you" there too many times makes the word tiresome.
Just something to think about. Other than that, exquisite!
~The Wilted Rose
first:stanza one, line three. *Erasing.
next: stanza six, line three. *too and *bear
finally: last stanza, first line. *awhile.
I also have an editing suggestion. In your second to last stanza, I would eleminate the you between telling and secrets. The next line already specifies that the secrets are for you and you alone. I just think that having the "you" there too many times makes the word tiresome.
Just something to think about. Other than that, exquisite!
~The Wilted Rose
27th Jun 2012 8:07pm
thank you for your honest critique and mention of my spelling errors however I did spell bare right I didn't spell it bear..peace Crim
27th Jun 2012 9:21pm
Escaping to fantasy can help the healing I find, it is my most favourite place to go when I want to run away from my demons.
This is a very profound write Crim, so well penned and expressed, keep on keeping on my friend. :)
This is a very profound write Crim, so well penned and expressed, keep on keeping on my friend. :)
28th Jun 2012 11:46pm
Anonymous
27th Jun 2012 9:31pm
This demonstrates depth and breadth of talent in taking on a taboo subject and dealing with it with infinite compassion.
Excellent
Peace
Kitty
28th Jun 2012 11:47pm
27th Jun 2012 9:43pm
I have sat here trying to think of what to say, but can't. I might find the words later, but for now...WOW!
28th Jun 2012 11:47pm
27th Jun 2012 10:28pm
Oh Crim....this speaks to me in ways unimaginable...because of your courage...
I can now release a few more of my own family demons...
you indeed....are a most beautiful soul.
let the healing begin!
I can now release a few more of my own family demons...
you indeed....are a most beautiful soul.
let the healing begin!
28th Jun 2012 11:49pm
ty beautiful lady..i'm glad I gave you courage to continue writing from your soul..hugs Crim
28th Jun 2012 4:09pm
Wonderful poem, quite tragic but marvelous succession of almost infinite images. The only thing I don't understand, and it does not seem needed in the poem, dare I say, is: "feeling it won't be long/until she is committed as well." I, personally, for what it's worth, would drop that line. It detracts from the flow of your wonderful, honest poem. That line, I dare to add, is so common as to be almost trivial: that's not the empathy, compassion you share throughout this gifted work.
marcella1
marcella1
28th Jun 2012 11:50pm
thank you for such a great comment..I understand your point about me being committed as well but it's what I am feeling at the moment..peace Crim
Anonymous
28th Jun 2012 11:58pm
...and willingness to put yourself down on paper is to be applauded. As others have noted, there might be a few ways to sharpen this, but I don't believe the centrals ideas would be improved, so let the thing lie, and feel proud of the courage you showed in exposing an honest existance.
Nicely done, poet.
dp
Nicely done, poet.
dp
29th Jun 2012 00:06am
ty DP this poem is deeply personal to me thank you for getting that..I really appreciate your comment..peace Crim
27th Oct 2012 5:07pm
Tears stain my cheeks as I compose this comment.... For I was your son.... All I can say is a simple WOW that speaks beyond its simplicity....
28th Oct 2012 10:31pm
I'm so sorry you've felt this kind of pain beautiful one hugs and ty peace Crim
