deepundergroundpoetry.com
Toxic
Walking in circles
where the shadows
in the sidewalks smack me in the face
endlessly searching for answers that
don't reveal themselves
like why am I but a broken toy
played with too much
now broken and used
shelved from over use
i sing my song to deaf ears
my pain all too paltiable
lick the plate clean
my blood is being served
for the strong of stomach
i'm toxic to those that aren't immune
to sum it all up i'm falling apart
like a dolly who has been roughed up
by an over eager little girl
i fear by time this is over
they will be scraping
what's left of me from the sidewalk
a broken toy
for the Gods
to laugh after
where the shadows
in the sidewalks smack me in the face
endlessly searching for answers that
don't reveal themselves
like why am I but a broken toy
played with too much
now broken and used
shelved from over use
i sing my song to deaf ears
my pain all too paltiable
lick the plate clean
my blood is being served
for the strong of stomach
i'm toxic to those that aren't immune
to sum it all up i'm falling apart
like a dolly who has been roughed up
by an over eager little girl
i fear by time this is over
they will be scraping
what's left of me from the sidewalk
a broken toy
for the Gods
to laugh after
Published 29th Jun 2012
| Edited 26th Jul 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 9
reading list entries 2
comments 18
reads 1288
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
29th Jun 2012 00:30am
A broken toy. I really love poems that have toys in them. A toy can say a lot about a person. You did this doll justice. Very good read. Hopefully someone, puts this doll in the washer and gives it some love it deserves :) xoxox
29th Jun 2012 1:44am
29th Jun 2012 00:45am
My dearest Crim....I am in awe over how you can use such simple metaphors that pack a tremendous punch....
there is a you that is brand Nu on the inside,though that part of you that is tattered and torn is previlant right now...it wont always be that way....
Much Love&Respect,
Fire.
there is a you that is brand Nu on the inside,though that part of you that is tattered and torn is previlant right now...it wont always be that way....
Much Love&Respect,
Fire.
29th Jun 2012 1:45am
29th Jun 2012 1:05am
Crimson.
There's a lot being said here in this poem and it's easy enough to read between the lines.
If i was going to be real picky i'd say change bruised in this stanza :
like why am I but a broken toy
played with too much
now broken and bruised
shelved from over use
only because toys unlike people don't bruise. but I'm not that picky. If I was I'd suggest using something like this:
like why am I but a broken toy
that's been tossed and abused
been picked up and used
then just shelved.
something like that, but as I say I a'int picky
if you're having trouble with a title i'd suggest Toxic, but if you titled it .... on purpose I think it's cool.
anyhow , hope you're well. shine on !
There's a lot being said here in this poem and it's easy enough to read between the lines.
If i was going to be real picky i'd say change bruised in this stanza :
like why am I but a broken toy
played with too much
now broken and bruised
shelved from over use
only because toys unlike people don't bruise. but I'm not that picky. If I was I'd suggest using something like this:
like why am I but a broken toy
that's been tossed and abused
been picked up and used
then just shelved.
something like that, but as I say I a'int picky
if you're having trouble with a title i'd suggest Toxic, but if you titled it .... on purpose I think it's cool.
anyhow , hope you're well. shine on !
29th Jun 2012 1:46am
ty Eamon I love your title and I ammended some of the poem..ty I always love your visits..peace Crim
Anonymous
29th Jun 2012 4:38am
<< post removed >>
29th Jun 2012 7:18am
Anonymous
29th Jun 2012 2:39pm
Dear Crim
What is left to say?
The wise poets above have said it all...
You are a very talented poet
and this is one more poem that testifies to that
Thank you for sharing your talent
Peace
Kitty
What is left to say?
The wise poets above have said it all...
You are a very talented poet
and this is one more poem that testifies to that
Thank you for sharing your talent
Peace
Kitty
30th Jun 2012 7:29pm
2nd Jul 2012 4:03pm
"Walking in circles
where the shadows
in the sidewalks smack me in the face"
such a strong phrase that is a reality we people of passion deal with often.
You are much more than a purveyor of words. You have a tenderness that shines through even your pained words. A beautiful soul!
where the shadows
in the sidewalks smack me in the face"
such a strong phrase that is a reality we people of passion deal with often.
You are much more than a purveyor of words. You have a tenderness that shines through even your pained words. A beautiful soul!
25th Nov 2014 4:11pm
15th Jul 2012 3:52am
Just listen...it will be worth it.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_sOK8a3hJ0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_sOK8a3hJ0
17th Jul 2012 7:26pm
27th Oct 2012 4:21pm
The walk of discernment, I know all too well.... The walking in circles was not done alone....
Your steps produced mastery! This poem spells it....
Your steps produced mastery! This poem spells it....
28th Oct 2012 10:40pm
25th Nov 2014 2:30am
Simple yet dynamic! a style not easily pulled off but you do it well! immense talent!!
25th Nov 2014 4:09pm
thank you M for such a gracious comment.. making me smile this morning :) with respect Crim
