deepundergroundpoetry.com

Leaving

Packing my bags.
Leaving this town.
Calling a cab.
Talking out loud.

Mother begging please.
Don't leave me.
Farther saying just go.
I don't wanna see you.

Staring out the window.
Watching life pass by.
There's an old widow.
Crying out her eyes.

Screaming to the world goodbye.
Never coming back this time.
The darkness rolling in.
Watching a storm move in.

A call from my nephew saying "Where are you?"
Hanging up slowly so he doesn't know the truth.
Looking at pictures of my family and me.
All of us,happy as can be.

Now your probably wondering why did I leave.
It's cause they were all causing me grief.
Houses passing,dreams leaving.
Watching my own self slowly leaving.

Written by XxDewdropxX

(YouNoLongerWalkAlone)

Published 27th Jun 2012

All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.

likes 3 reading list entries 1

comments 3 reads 693

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The author encourages honest critique.

Re: Leaving

The_Wilted_Rose

27th Jun 2012 5:26pm

I enjoyed this! Well put together, with nice imagery and no useless words. My one questionable spot: the last line of the secon to last stanza. I had to read it twice, and it tampered with the rhythm. In my honest opinion, it would sound better at "All of us smiling, happy as can be." Just my opinion, something to think about. Other than that, nicely done!
~The Wilted Rose