Drug induced self-debate

    [font=Georgia]Drug Induced Self-Debate
     [1st REVISED VERSION]

Take a second, and
-STOP!
Now, think of your life,
when you look in the mirror,
-What do you see?


"My eyes...
-They're EMPTY,
like my soul is slowly disapating."

LOOKING BACK....
would you have ever in your miserable, pittiful, and just
plain USELESS life, think you'd ONEDAY wind-up..
-A DEGENERATE
   -A LOW-LIFE, and
i really hate to be so brutally honest, but
you've turned into what you've hated for years....
-A FUCKING HYPACRITIAL,
TWO-FACED BITCH, with DOUBLE-STANDARDS!!

"THIS RAGE WILL NOT CEASE!"
"My heart...
inside feels FROZEN, and
NO LONGER has a beat,
NO LONGER has life!
My LIFELESS body lay still,
BEATEN and BLOODY!!"

-Honestly...
I believe tht it can be concidered,
"SAFE TO SAY,"
-you've finally LOST IT, gone completely MADD!!!
You wake up....
 (and who would have thought it to be so bluntly obvious)
have to return to this unfortunate, long and waisted journey,
in which society calls, "LIFE!!!"
Hopefully this life,
this world,
will somehow, god forbid it......
GET BETTER!!!!

Look at what you're FUCKING turning into,
Do you really NOT see,
what you'te becoming?
-OR-
are you so clouded within you intoxicated & delusional,
FUCKED-UP way to hide from the pain!?
(If you DON'T want to think of YOURSELF, or focus on YOU,
-THINK OF YOUR MOTHER!!
What in your right mind, would you think is worth risking
ALL the work she had lived for and killed herself
trying to protect and keep.
-CUZ, she NEVER really had much, in the first place!!!-

"ALL I want is to be NUMB....
in this I am successful.  I get LOST within my,
(as you say)
"DELUSIONAL FANTASIES,"
-My fairytales, made up to lose the bad parts of past visions,
Permenently imprinted,
-Like a file on a computer, or ink on the wall!-
Will I really an truly be able to contain this MONSTER which i keep locked deep within self-conscience?
THIS RAGING MONSTER,
which fuels my every thought,
my every plan.
-plotting and planning-
Why must it be a day to day ,
neverending, constant battle to
"STAY SANE?"

"I sware my INSANITY is hanging.
on a VERY thin line,
- A VERY FUCKING THIN LINE!! -
at any moment-
WITHOUT WARNING....
I WILL, (no doubt in my mind),
eventually an inadvertidly, someday soon
-SNAP!!!
and, By The Way,
-TOTALLY NOT MY INTENTIONS!!"

So, WHY SAY YES?....
- if every time you hit the shit, you bitch yourself out...
but still it comes back around and with the CHANCE to..
SAY NO, and just simply WALK AWAY.....
NO becomes a word that you're no longer able to say or use.
(Totally slipping your mind!)
So thoughtless,            
           &
             and empty,
That mind, so....
-DAMAGED and SCARED,
-TORTURED and BEATEN,
-BATTERED and BLEEDING,
How are you still SANE?

"When I'm High...
I feel NOTHING-
NO EMOTION, NO PAIN
-ALL FEELINGS, (good or bad)
DISAPPERAR!!
My mother said to me the other day that
"I HAD THE SCOFIELD EYE,"
(which in my head means that MY SOUL IS EMPTY!!)
I often feel this dark, kinda demon-like presence,
which in turn surrounds my ora and possesses me
 inadvertidly taking control or the kindness that proceeds to flow from
My LOST and FRAGILE heart,
there has got to be a different more healthier way to make myself NUMB,
or at least OBLIVIOUS of what is going on in the world around me!"

OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES!!
I mean actually, and truly open your eyes, and
- FINALLY NOTICE!-
that the pain is only gone for a while, eventually ALL the
EMOTION,
PAIN,and DISGRACE
only comes back ,flowing like a RAGING RIVER, until
-DEAD STOP,
you hit a wall!!
Can't you see it,
-YOU'VE CRASHED,
(FUCKING HARD)
A BRICK TO THE FACE!!
This PATH in which you've CHOSEN.....
-its NOT a good one!
Cut off this road in which you now walk,
(and choose another one!!)
make a QUICK LEFT,or
RIGHT TURN....
FUCK-IT..
turn around, and
make your own path,
pave your own road.
HEY, WHY NOT just START OVER,
rewrite you story...
THIS TIME, make sure to be the one to,
"HOLD THE PEN!"