deepundergroundpoetry.com
Candlelit Glances
Floating in billowy clouds of seduction with you
and wrapped in velvet blankets of purple hues.
Romance sends us on a whirl wind that seems to
never end it just keeps taking us farther within.
T
H
E
Journey
Of two hearts thrust once upon a time together.
Feeling that there was nothing to defeat them not ever.
Maybe they were right if they just hadn't given up the
F
I
G
H
T.
Maybe if they had held out one day longer
right now their hearts would be beating together and much stronger.
What ifs, what was, what has been is needless and futile.
They maybe need to come to terms that what they had truly was beautiful and quit fighting it tooth and nail.
Put up the sail and float along cerulean waters
hands interlocked together.
Staring across tables in candlelight smiling.
Loving without even trying.
Just
n
a
t
u
r
a
l
l
y.
It came to two hearts that were wild and free.
The love infiltrated every place they went and everything they touched. She loved him and him her so very much.
It still resides dancing in the clouds above.
Who will have the nerve to simply reach up
and grab it.?
Note: This is a write sooo close to my heart and I'm sure the person I wrote it for will agree. do you remember "our" restaurant and the candlelit glances??
and wrapped in velvet blankets of purple hues.
Romance sends us on a whirl wind that seems to
never end it just keeps taking us farther within.
T
H
E
Journey
Of two hearts thrust once upon a time together.
Feeling that there was nothing to defeat them not ever.
Maybe they were right if they just hadn't given up the
F
I
G
H
T.
Maybe if they had held out one day longer
right now their hearts would be beating together and much stronger.
What ifs, what was, what has been is needless and futile.
They maybe need to come to terms that what they had truly was beautiful and quit fighting it tooth and nail.
Put up the sail and float along cerulean waters
hands interlocked together.
Staring across tables in candlelight smiling.
Loving without even trying.
Just
n
a
t
u
r
a
l
l
y.
It came to two hearts that were wild and free.
The love infiltrated every place they went and everything they touched. She loved him and him her so very much.
It still resides dancing in the clouds above.
Who will have the nerve to simply reach up
and grab it.?
Note: This is a write sooo close to my heart and I'm sure the person I wrote it for will agree. do you remember "our" restaurant and the candlelit glances??
Published 23rd Jun 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 0
comments 5
reads 787
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
23rd Jun 2012 11:24am
No time for regrets, I try to keep expectations at a minimum, it helps make the disappointments easier to bear.
Beautiful write and memories fc, always good to hold onto those and bask in them once in a while. :)
Beautiful write and memories fc, always good to hold onto those and bask in them once in a while. :)
Truly heartfelt moments for both I'm sure...You weave such a dream young lady...I adored this poem and the heart that penned it...Sometimes words are pleading tears that melt the heart away...
R_A
R_A
24th Jun 2012 7:45pm
27th Jun 2012 6:43pm
Firacracker
I accidentally stumbled upon this lovely poem a few minutes ago. I am not a big fan of rhyming but here it adds up the naked innocence. A few things caught my eye.
'whirlwind' is one word.
'never end it just keeps taking us farther within.'
There seems something amiss post 'end'. May be punctuation or a conjunction. Something that will bridge the two sentences.
'Maybe they were right if they just hadn't given up..'
'They would have been right..' would be a better alternative [grammatically] or
'May be they would have been right...'
'What ifs, what was, what has been is needless and futile.'
I loved this line. Very potent and universal.:)
'They maybe need to come to terms that what they had truly was beautiful and quit fighting it tooth and nail.'
Needs a little restructuring.
'May be they needed to come to terms
with the fact that what they had was
truly beautiful and quit fighting tooth and nail'
The tense thru out the poem seems to be ambiguous. part of it is in the present while the latter half is set in past though we are dealing with the same events.
I would suggest a rewrite with the events happening in the past tense. JMHO.
That was all about technicalities.
I really loved the intent behind the poem. This is miles away from self wallowing and is rather matter of fact and direct. There is a genuine belief which can be found that makes it special.
All critique is JMHO.
This was a very romantic poem. And I can tell you are a true romantic. Hail!
Write on,
Sumeet
I accidentally stumbled upon this lovely poem a few minutes ago. I am not a big fan of rhyming but here it adds up the naked innocence. A few things caught my eye.
'whirlwind' is one word.
'never end it just keeps taking us farther within.'
There seems something amiss post 'end'. May be punctuation or a conjunction. Something that will bridge the two sentences.
'Maybe they were right if they just hadn't given up..'
'They would have been right..' would be a better alternative [grammatically] or
'May be they would have been right...'
'What ifs, what was, what has been is needless and futile.'
I loved this line. Very potent and universal.:)
'They maybe need to come to terms that what they had truly was beautiful and quit fighting it tooth and nail.'
Needs a little restructuring.
'May be they needed to come to terms
with the fact that what they had was
truly beautiful and quit fighting tooth and nail'
The tense thru out the poem seems to be ambiguous. part of it is in the present while the latter half is set in past though we are dealing with the same events.
I would suggest a rewrite with the events happening in the past tense. JMHO.
That was all about technicalities.
I really loved the intent behind the poem. This is miles away from self wallowing and is rather matter of fact and direct. There is a genuine belief which can be found that makes it special.
All critique is JMHO.
This was a very romantic poem. And I can tell you are a true romantic. Hail!
Write on,
Sumeet
27th Jun 2012 8:30pm
