the other

time has past like water
my emotional memory like a painting in watercolor that was rained on
i have lost touch with reality
but this has been my best protection
i used to wish away my hallucinations
now i wish for pleasant ones
we talk or really i talk to myself
i am safer in peaces one must see
Alexa my first love i miss her so but she is gone now
i don't know if it be by defense mechanism or my angel's word that i believe i will love again
i question what they'd be like
and in my thoughts i see myself my flaws
i believe it'd be a her
know i do that i could love a man but being openly gay it'd hurt coming out
i favor women its not just a rationalization the other part is lust i hate to emit it
few men can excite me sexually like a woman i like the curves more but i do like the dick
and in the body i will continue
likely overweight or underweight i care about who much more than the body
and thats why i came to that conclusion i don't focus on the skin i look deeper
i figure my porn is for the dreams i'll never have come true
i'm a bit complicated there i'm horny but i can't act because of my dam self i wanna do wrong and right but the right wins
i only believe in sex with one person your life if possible its a thing only life long lovers should share
face am... probably a slightly long or big nose i have a long explanation for it big green eyes i hope long curly hair black or red big full lips i'm just going off of what i want
tall or short lot of short girls in my past i've been told its because i'm 6' 4" and a few tall ones
body type like i said skinny or overweight likely hope curvy with a round ass little big thin wist nice breast not big so much
and i like thin arms i don't know why and defined bones mussels and arteries around the neck and hands
i think its because i always wanted a model to draw with i like machines bodies the mechanical end of it how it fits and works
now comes the hard part
i know i need dominate i'm passive i like being told what to do sometimes and i am a pleaser and its selfish but my x always said my man to people i felt wanted
and i thought and hate this but i liked how my x was weak alone she needed me i liked that confront she wouldn't leave by her chose i'm also needy in company
ether she'd likely be crazier than me or more normal
normal has worked before i have my visions and am a little bipolar when i'm not num and i can freak when i think someone's leaving me so my two closest people was Alexa my x and she was bipolar Tala she was my sister and freaked when someone "got in" got to close she hid things deep i think she was half as disfunction as me... there's history
both worked until something bad happened
but i never went the other way i always wanted to know i'd be a little funny if it worked out
i like taking care of people though
probably talkative i like being social but i love listening
and they have had to be in a bad place people that haven't don't get me
ok i feel better i just wanted to rant thanks for reading