Intrusive thoughts

 
 
I was on the top
of a Civil War fort
with no guardrails
as the Georgia
sky shone cold
blue sun at my  
wind-chapped face
 
I looked over the side
and spent the next
10 minutes imagining  
if I accidentally
cannonballed off  
the ramparts
to the  
grass/cement/tour guide  
below
 
Intrusive thoughts
Brain burps
little blips of  
cerebral gas
 
and tonight  
we broke the  
bed frame  
then put  
the mattress  
on the floor
to sleep
 
but my brain  
is gassy
as fuck
 
And sleep
is elusive  
 
I tickle  
your back  
with my  
blue manicure
as cold as the
late winter sun
 
as you lie  
 
sleeping  
 
And I imagine
slicing your skin
open with the
splinters of  
our bed
and fucking
myself on  
your spinal cord
 
but the thought passes
 
And I watch the ceiling
sure it will  
collapse
before you wake
and we’ll drown
in drywall  
and rat shit  
 
I watch your  
eyelashes  
and shiver
 
but you roll over  
nestle into me
 
your hand moves
to rest on my thigh
in a way
that feels  
 
Unsafe
 
And I’m  
comforted  
enough to
drift to  
sleep
 
Jerking only  
slightly  
at the sound  
of your  
breath  
on my  
naked  
shoulder