Confessions After the Fact Pt 1

I had a good man once... but,

I lost him in the battle of to save him,
From the darker parts of the light he held in his eyes,
The parts that twist and coil within me.
And Lord knows I tried,
Tried to patch up and piece together,
The fragments of my wild heart,  
And silence the shadows that whisper in the dead of night,
The secrets I kept inside,
Secrets so dark I was intent on keeping them hidden,  
Trapped in the silk of my silence....

I thought,
Yeah I thought that if I could just show him the light,
Only the light,
Dazzling and perfect and undaunted,  
He’d never feel the grip of the storms that echoed like thunder in my chest,  
If I could just keep him under the umbrella of my supposed sanity,
He'd never taste the rain that pooled like guilt at my feet.  

So, I...
I held those shadows tight,  
Thinking I’d spare him the flood of my fears,  
And the cracks in my soul,  
That bleed like an unwelcome truth.  
Yet he slipped away, like sand,
Through my desperate fingers,
And I watched him, through teary eyes,
While I buried those pieces, so deep they may never see the daylight again.  

I thought my love was a shield,  
I know now that all it did was shatter,
Like glass beneath my heart,  
Leaving us adrift, two shores apart,  
And now the tide that once swelled with our shared laughter,
Erases the lines we dared to draw...

I wonder...
What could have been ours,  
If only I had shown him the beauty in my chaotic truth,  
The scars that tell my story— how my light and darkness entwine,
How the prettiest package was taped up all over deep inside..
Maybe..
Maybe we would have found love amidst this wild tempest,  
Not despite the wreckage, but because,
Because we dared to know it.
Because I dared to show it...

I had a good man once.
And I carry him and his love with me everyday because,
Maybe if I could have a piece of the love he had for my light with me,
I could learn how to love the dark in the same way...

-realness and rhyme x Nachii