And now a true story

My childhood friend Kirby and I once hypnotized a frog in the summer of 88. We found a rock on the lake's shoreline that looked like an emerald. We believed the rock had super powers. An hour later, we found the frog. We began rubbing the rock on the top of it's forehead. It was amazing. The frog was hypnotized.  (We thought) We weren't sure though on how to unhyptnotize the frog. Instead, we kept the frog and fed it to Kirby's German Sheppard, named Bear. That was the 1st time his dog tasted frog! 'oui oui'

After Bear had lunch, we went inside to see Kirby's Grandma. This old woman was slutty & mean. She would wear just a pair of panties, no bra, a half opened robe, while smoking a cigarette. Her hair was gold. Now thinking back, it was a wig. She was disheveled and dirty. We decided to try & hypnotize her. We wanted to see if we could have her undress and walk outside naked.

Kirby began rubbing the rock on her forehead, while saying something like, "You're feeling tired. You'll listen to what I say. You'll do what I say. When I count backwards from 5 you'll be under my command." Nothing ever happened. She didn't buy it. She began yelling at Kirby to get out of the house but her words and actions were all mumbled and distorted. Grandma had a mild stroke a year ago. We didn't listen. We continued to torment her until she went into the kitchen, pulled out a frying pan and threatened to hit us over the head with it.

We left and went into the backyard where Bear was. Bear wasn't looking too good. He vomited in two different spots. The vomit was hideous looking. Greenish, yellow shit with a mixture of blood. You can see some of the frog's body still in tact. I threw an idea over to Kirby. I said, "Let's take some of this vomit and throw it in your grandmothers lunch." He thought of it, grinned and said, "YEAH!!!" Kirby told me she was going to eat some leftover Sheppard's Pie we had for dinner last night. We can get in the refrigerator, mix the vomit inside the pie and have her eat it. The idea may work.

We did just that. We picked up some vomit from outside, placed it in a tin can and poured most of it into the pie. Once it was inside, we made sure that the mixture of meat and whatever else is in that pie covered the vomit. The vomit smell dissipated once in the food. Yum!

Grandma came back into the kitchen and scowled at us. Kirby said, "Grandma are you eating lunch?" She said, "Yeah, what is it to you?" "Oh nothing Grandma." She began pulling the pie out of the refrigerator. She cut a nice size piece where most of the vomit was and placed it on a plate. She then microwaved it for about 30 seconds. I thought the smell was hideous. Then again, I also despise Sheppard's Pie mixed with barf! While we looked on, she took a seat. Cigarette dangling from her mouth. Right before she took that bite, she said, "You two dumb asses get the fuck out of the kitchen unless your eating lunch!!" So we decided to get two Twinkies in the pantry. We then sat opposite of her waiting patiently. As we began eating our sugar filled beef lard, Granny took that bite. WOW! It was a big one too. We knew she must have eaten some of the mutilated frog that was barfed up from Bear.

Oh yeah!! She did. Her tongue began to swish around in her mouth. She knew something wasn't right. Kirby kind of gave it away at this point saying in a sarcastic tone, "How does your food taste grandma?" She looked at him but was much more concerned what was in her mouth. She then took her hand and placed it inside her mouth. She began to pull out one of the frogs chewed up thighs, mixed with chopped meat and vomit. When she had it in her hand staring at this foreign item, her face began to turn green with nausea. She looked at us in disbelief and threw up all over the table and herself. It was a sight. The mess, the smell, the reaction! What a fucking moment! We couldn't stop laughing. She was cursing and yelling at the top of her lungs. She tried quickly to remover herself out of the chair, only to have slipped and fell onto the floor. That vomit was slippery. Her tits were exposed and her wig was sliding off her head. I should've captured this moment with my Polaroid.

We ran back outside laughing our asses off! I told Kirby that I was going to leave now before she gets up. He understood, and I left. Later that evening, my parents received a call from Kirby's mom. She explained what happened. I confessed and was grounded for a month. As for Kirby, well it wasn't too good after that. In August, Kirby went to live with his dad in Florida. He hated his father. I spoke to him a few times that year but we drifted apart. He went into the army at 18 and eventually moved to Alaska. Kirby's grandmother lived a few more years and died in her sleep. She never forgave me or her grandson what we did that July in 1988.