A better place

The world would be a better place
 if I wasn't around
I try to bring others up
 but all I do is bring them down
My tongue is bitter
Poisoned by pain
I feel like it would be better if I never spoke again

I try to heal the broken hearted
 by showing them I care
the fear sets in and suddenly
I can't stand to be there
It's too many deep emotions
Something I can't stand
So when the people I care about need me most
I let go of their hand
I stand back and watch them drown
Because my ability to feel deep emotions
 is nowhere to be found
I could probably find it if I actually looked
But I don't want it
I don't want to feel
So afraid of all the pain
I step back
 and hurt the people I love
over and over again

The world would be a better place
 if I wasn't around
I wouldn't be burden
Having to be taken care of
Because I can't stand...
I can't stand
It's so hard to breathe
when the thoughts come rushing in
My legs get week when the feeling sets in
I fall to the ground
Because the oxygen has disappeared
And my heart is racing from all the memories
 that are clouding my head
I become full of shame pain and regret
Most days
 I don't even have the strength to leave my bed
Or at least that's how I feel
Until someone pulls me out
Reminding me to heal

The world would be a better place if I wasn't in it
It's a long story
I don't even know how to begin it

The pain I feel is tearing me apart
Poisoning my tongue
Triggering my need to run
Making me feel like I have to push others away
Because only by myself do I truly feel safe
But I need them to drag me out of bed
I need the encouraging words that they have said
I love them
 so I can't stand to let them go
I love them
 That's why I feel like I should

It's okay
I'll go to a better place
That will get rid of the pain
That will let me feel love
Where I'll feel safe
I'll dance with the angels
And watch from up above

At this point
That's the only way
I know how to show my love

The world will be a better place without me in it