My Thought for Today: When Words are Used as Weapons

Words can wound, it’s as simple as that. Some much deeper than others. I’ve been annihilated by a few perfectly placed words. But mostly, it was the subtle, off handed remarks that let me know how insignificant I was to someone that buried me.
 
I’ve been known to have a cutting tongue myself. I can slice a heart in a millisecond. Ironic, considering mine was usually lying at my feet broken into hundreds of tiny pieces as I was attempting to gather them so I could stitch it back together again. Or was it?
 
Those missiles that flew out of my mouth on their search and destroy mission had a target in mind because my heart was already wounded. But here’s the thing that I didn’t see until I started trauma therapy and became aware of what happens when I’m hurt. Most people are wounded. Most people are just trying to get through the day while stitching their scarred hearts. It’s not just my C-PTSD heart that needs healing. A wounded heart is a wounded heart.  
 
I amplify my wounds for many reasons, mostly trauma related. Until recently, my verbal responses, which ended up turning into verbal assaults, were automatic. I’m working at not being impulsive and just firing off my mouth. I’m extinguishing my demons so they aren’t constantly sitting on my shoulder, nudging me directions I’d rather not take, like leaving hearts quaking in the wake of my hurt. Unlearning a lifetime of trauma response behavior is going to take time.
 
Today, I keep myself aware of who’s on the opposite end of my exhale, especially if I’m angry, because that hurricane can level someone. I’ve watched it happen, even when that’s not what I intended. Cleaning up the aftermath of chaos isn’t something I’m in the habit of doing anymore and the thought that I’ve hurt someone only because I’m hurt just perpetuates pain and there’s more than enough pain in the world, I don’t want to contribute to such an unworthy process. I’ve got better things to do, like listen to how your day is going or what your thoughts are.