deepundergroundpoetry.com

I Exist, I Exist, I Exist

I like to take my glasses off randomly,
Watch the blurry world speed past me.
Even with them on,
I can�t see any better.
Identifying the colors,
And not the shapes.
I hate when people turn entirely to look at me,
Straining their necks to see me.
I�m just lazily looking back,
It takes no effort to meet their eyes.
If I tried just a little harder,
I could see them.
I exist here in the crowded hall,
I look out of place when it�s empty.
Moving so fast I�m blurry,
Slowing to a crawl.
I explained what death meant to me,
Only to myself in the quiet of my room.
I smell like smoke,
A burning so persistent it never truly ignites.
This suffering was branded onto me,
A scar deeper than skin that I cannot bleed out.
It would take almost no effort,
To finally unclench my jaw.
I see people as cliches,
Illustrations that aren�t fully colored in.
I feel torn,
Like my inks are bleeding.
I don�t remember falling,
Or when I hit the floor.
I remember looking up,
Face down on the concrete.
Choking on the blood that rushes to my heart,
Coughing up the wind that was knocked out of me.
I just want to exist,
I�d sell my soul to be able to pretend I have one.
I feel like a piece of me was stolen,
Carved out of me before I was even born.
This cavity in me leaks onto my bedsheets,
It smells like pencil shavings and rust.
I can tuck myself away there,
Hide from the thunder until I can only see the lightning.
Lock the doors,
Endlessly waiting for the knocking.
I hide because I�m scared,
Admits the boy.
I run because I�m brave.
I hear the sound of breath in my head,
Just behind my own.
A lagging heart beat,
It never catches up.
I don�t think anyone can hear me,
Or maybe I�ve stopped making any sounds.
Am I empty,
Or just a little lighter?
I stare at myself through a puddle,
Just big enough I can see my entire face.
Straining my neck to catch a glimpse of my smile,
Pulling at my teeth.
Confronted with my physical being,

I exist.
I exist.
I exist.