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LOVE IN MY ARMS (III)-(my 3rd revised version)-(1976; Poretto Jetty, Galveston, Texas, struggling with being GAY)
love in my arms
here then gone
comes and goes
like some rare moon tide
sunrise soon brightened
into new day
but it s clearness
only added to my
ever deepening confusions
evening arrived
only a comfortable disguise
down to the beach i walked
as night s darkness
soon fell upon me
out at the end of a jetty
from which i stared up and out
at the seawall s street lights
shining down from high above me here
reflecting mercurially out into night s
mostly unseen wild surf
blurring it s hypnotically reflective
kinetic silver white dance
of slitheringly sensuous blurs
out across upon
this nocturnal beache s
wet reflective tideline s
sleeping shoreline s
darkened waters and sands
as i stood there like some ancient ghost
numbly gazing out
completely lost in my thoughts and emotions
for what seemed and felt
like a couple of timeless frozen hours
held upright on my feet for so long
embraced only by the rushing sound of surf s
breaking waves and the strong steady touch
of this gulf s warm humid salty sea breeze
gazing astrally out towards this seamless
black gulf s unseen distant horizon line
wondering about my life
should i laugh
or should i cry
continue facing and enduring
this darkest of all my life s secrets
or face the pain
by responding to
the only feasible solution i can presently see here now
in these most desperate moments
in this existential dark night of my soul
by completely surrendering to
that much quieter deeper peace
which faintly calls to me
patiently awaiting me here
beneath these dark beckoning waters
just three feet away from where i now stand
where i presently only see and have
two ways to go
and one final choice to make
to find resolve and create
that peaceful solution s
not so easy karmic way out
short cut escape s
hopeful ultimate peace and resolve
but with only those two choices
to make or take
it s easy to see here now
fifty years later
in retrospect
just which choice
i so obviously made
way back then
which so desperately drove me
to come so very close
to making that desperate
one last final choice
to create that one last final
ultimate resolve
love in my hands
my heart in the dark
understanding slips through my fingers
like sand in night s wind
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