jealousy is a shitty bed partner

I say we have something special
and you respond with yeah but...
and I'm thrown sideways
into the never ending diatribe
of hurts and wrongs
like you can't take my extended hand
without the urge to break my fingers

I bury your pain like I always do
with a smile that says I don't care

I can't say his name
without tipping our world upside down
but saying nothing leaves a hole
in a million conversations
and I want to say fuck your jealousy
but I know your jealousy is already fucking you
in a threesome I didn't ask for

You throw words around
like "special relationship"
as though I've stepped outside us
for an imaginary fuck
with my best friend
when the reality is he'd
probably only fuck me if I paid him
and even then he's likely
just tie me up and leave with the money
because our special
isn't the fuck buddy kind

I kiss you when I'd rather punch you
not that sex or violence help
your shitty self esteem
that whispers that I'm a cheat
before I've even had the chance
to fuck this up


-Eve-