deepundergroundpoetry.com
Me
I am on my hands and knees
Crawling through the soft earth
Feeling life beneath me
I am on my hands and knees
Crawling on the concrete
Manmade on purpose to control me
I am on my hands and knees
Crawling through the shards of glass
Being torn through without a care for me
I am on my hands and knees
Crawling, crawling through the sand
Too soft to stand, why don't you save me?
No more crawling, this was it.
I sunk down in the sand, the pit
Suffocating on my last respite
This is me, the end of me.
I never asked for it.
Crawling through the soft earth
Feeling life beneath me
I am on my hands and knees
Crawling on the concrete
Manmade on purpose to control me
I am on my hands and knees
Crawling through the shards of glass
Being torn through without a care for me
I am on my hands and knees
Crawling, crawling through the sand
Too soft to stand, why don't you save me?
No more crawling, this was it.
I sunk down in the sand, the pit
Suffocating on my last respite
This is me, the end of me.
I never asked for it.
Published 28th Jul 2024
Author's Note
Musing
Copyright @ Fianaturie8 2024. All rights reserved.
Copyright @ Fianaturie8 2024. All rights reserved.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 12
reading list entries 2
comments 23
reads 65
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
28th Jul 2024 00:19am
28th Jul 2024 00:19am
28th Jul 2024 00:37am
The crawling repetition seemed empowering until the fourth stanza.
Stanzas 1-3, the narrator offers suffering, and we hope it's for strength or overcoming a challenge, and it's a dick kick to see... it was for a lover/friend who watched you suffer and didn't help.
"Too soft to sand, why don't you save me?"
And the result of that apathy, is your internal end -- sinking beneath sand.
Good imagery here.
Stanzas 1-3, the narrator offers suffering, and we hope it's for strength or overcoming a challenge, and it's a dick kick to see... it was for a lover/friend who watched you suffer and didn't help.
"Too soft to sand, why don't you save me?"
And the result of that apathy, is your internal end -- sinking beneath sand.
Good imagery here.
28th Jul 2024 00:44am
Thank you for that breakdown. I was recalling how a friend was going through so much and when she needed help, her family and friends watched her drown in debt that she put herself in to help them.
Appreciate you reading, Betty
Appreciate you reading, Betty
28th Jul 2024 00:50am
We cosigned once, once, and we ended up repaying the loan ourself. We had to learn about dead weight and trying to walk around carrying it. Tight
28th Jul 2024 00:52am
28th Jul 2024 1:03am
28th Jul 2024 1:10am
28th Jul 2024 1:12am
28th Jul 2024 1:14am
28th Jul 2024 1:14am
28th Jul 2024 3:57am
Brilliantly written. Nice flow, imagery, and wordplay. Into the list it belongs. Just really dig this ink. Appreciate you.
DL
DL
28th Jul 2024 4:07am
28th Jul 2024 6:44am
What a deeply moving piece. I think we all felt the need for someone to save us at times.
28th Jul 2024 1:09pm
28th Jul 2024 10:46am
Dear F,
I really appreciated the growth and self realization in this piece. As though enough is enough and making choices that protect and benefit oneself, ultimately benefits others (even if they might not see it that way). Great strength and power in this piece. H🌷
I really appreciated the growth and self realization in this piece. As though enough is enough and making choices that protect and benefit oneself, ultimately benefits others (even if they might not see it that way). Great strength and power in this piece. H🌷
28th Jul 2024 1:12pm
Depression is a foe the most rogue enemy.
we have to stand bold and fight nothing can defeat our strength but death..
Thanks for sharing your pen Fia, Hamid's best regards
we have to stand bold and fight nothing can defeat our strength but death..
Thanks for sharing your pen Fia, Hamid's best regards
28th Jul 2024 1:13pm
28th Jul 2024 2:19pm
There's such a deep connection to the earth in this. Reference to man made control in the 2nd stanza counter to the natural. The struggle to overcome & the depletion of energy at the end. Just...wow
8th Sep 2024 10:49pm
8th Sep 2024 10:14pm
Everything was fine until the concrete & glass came, right? Then suddenly you found yourself sinking in the sand! Reads more like a nightmare than musings but yes, there is too much concrete & glass out there, for sure. 🌎
8th Sep 2024 10:52pm
