Review and remediation

I closed the thesis
I’d been peer reviewing
stood and stretched
and got a cup of
coffee before I
sat down to
meatier work
 
I put on reading
glasses
 
The type with the
blue filter coating
so I wouldn’t get
a headache from
complicated
reading
 
They make me look like
a sexy librarian
when I put my hair in a bun
 
But my hair is down as
I analyze the work I
failed to analyze
correctly,
and my
entire exigence
is skewed while
I troubleshoot
 
I read the letters
you sent
 
Again.
 
To make sure I understood
 
As I read
I took notes on a
pocket sized white lined legal pad,
a throwback to my reporter days
 
You said on page 12
you weren’t playing me
the exact same way you
played me before
And again on page 19, 24, 29
 
I updated my citations.
 
On page 17 you went so far
as to affirm
my fears
were groundless
and it was exhausting
to repeat what you already said
in the last two editions
 
Over on page 32
you said
that we were going to
rule the world this time
 
Page 33 that we were really
free and we were really
going to do some
main character shit
 
Oh. Page 33, bottom,
I circled where you told me
 
I was peerless.
The best.  
Without competition.
 
I had notes from pages 1-33
cross referenced where you said
you barely had time for me
 
I opened the addendum,
from a co-author of yours
who you apparently
had plenty of time for
 
(see appendices
timeline comparisons
for the missing minutes
you didn’t have for me
on her neatly
annotated pages)
 
she had the
table of contents
for the entire story
 
In fact, she
sent a more
current edition than the one
you submitted to  
 
I rubbed my aching eyes.
I read it all.
I read it again.
It was all in concordance
with my original analysis
 
and yet it was
wrong
 
Every bit of
extrapolated
desire
every
double-cross
was validated
for primary sourcing
 
You said it.
 
You fucking said that shit.
 
I believed it.
 
That is why my data set failed
 
I believed
every word
 
every fucking word
 
I put my glasses on the table
and close the lid of my
computer
 
I make
a living
understanding
 
nuance
 
And I conclude,:
 
Your bullshit is so
convoluted that
real meaning is beyond
my ability
to comprehend
 
And for the first time
in my storied career
I don’t understand
 
 
I just  
 
don’t
 
 
understand