MORE HYPNOGOGIC AFTER THOUGHTS    (2:00am, 12-10-1993, Galveston Island, Texas)

       
two a m        
and i still can t retreat        
from a head full of        
restless thoughts        
with my restless ears        
still passively listening    
to the sound of surf s        
not too far off        
breath like  back and forth        
in and out rushing        
upon this late night gulf s        
continuous salty breeze        
steadily sweeping over        
these dark  seedy        
nocturnal neighborhood streets        
stealthily rivering over        
every sleeping household and yard        
across this historic little island town        
where safe inside        
i lie awake        
with doors locked tight        
lights off        
yet nonetheless        
i lie here still awake        
unable to fall more fully asleep        
my mind drifting over        
all kinds of random        
subconscious things        
as the stride of my thoughts        
moves in sync        
with the metronomal  ticking march        
of the unseen kitchen clock        
two rooms away        
high up on my dark kitchen s wall        
while beside me here        
lies my presently unconscious lover        
lying far off  away        
in his own deep sleep        
completely detached        
gone like a flower folded deep        
closed tight to this night        
withholding his sweetness        
until tomorrow        
far away from this world        
and from me here beside him as well        
still neither fully awake  nor asleep        
here in this strange        
so far unyielding dissonance        
of our late night  shared bed        
same as i ve experienced        
with other lovers i ve had and known        
over these many now long gone        
long slipped away years        
but now  once again tonight        
so many years later        
i still find myself here yet again        
still lying in bed        
at this late hour        
unable to fall more fully asleep        
i lie here neither fully awake        
nor fully asleep        
as i freely wander on        
in my present twilight realm s        
hypnogogic state s guiding dreams        
across and through        
this dark  lost  unseen world        
beside them all        
in timeless spirit  heart and mind        
while lucidly afloat        
through fluidly morphing scenes        
flowingly unfolding here        
through all my random  sleepless ponderings        
while somewhere outside        
my bedroom window        
out there in this dark night s        
stone blind distance        
a dog is demonstrably barking        
at an even further distant        
unseen siren s loops        
of recyclic  electric howls        
where i am still left here now        
to only wonder further        
just what this fast approaching        
new forthcoming        
tomorrow morning s        
slowly creeping dawn        
may still yet bring        
into full form        
within it s ever mysterious        
bright  newly manifested        
unfoldment        
into this world        
into my life        
for me to        
experientially live        
learn and hopefully        
further evolve from        
beyond this        
my present        
restless  sleepless        
hypnogogic        
limbo state        
of twilight        
being s        
subtle        
guiding    
inner        
realm      
where i only      
realized just now      
from a newly surfaced insight      
which suddenly arose      
that perhaps      
the reason i seem      
to struggle so much      
with my restless thoughts      
which keep me up all night    
too often    
and keep me    
from getting enough      
restful  restorative  deep sleep      
could be      
the little known fact      
that for most of my life      
even during the daylight hours    
with my eyes wide open      
i still consciously live in      
and journey through      
a continuously flowing      
never ending      
lucid dream      
no matter however      
much or too little      
true deep sleep      
and restorative rest      
i do or do not      
nightly get    
which nonetheless    
still takes it s own    
significantly    
detrimental    
inner and outer    
hard to measure    
consequential    
toll on me    
which i know    
can and will    
most likely    
only further    
quicken    
and    
hasten    
my present    
temporal    
journey s    
true    
inevitable    
end