Grandfather

I remember walking into that hospital room  
He looked up and made eye contact  
A strained smile on his face  
His eyes had no fire or willpower behind them  
 
I had never seen that before in his eyes  
He was a pillar of strength  
He was the only source of stability I had ever known in my life  
It broke me in that moment  
 
His leg wrapped at the knee with the rest missing  
We talked and I knew that his zeal for life was gone  
I thought back to a few weeks earlier  
When he told me about the gangrene that had formed on his foot  
 
The doctors recommended the removal of his lower leg  
He talked as if it was a death sentence  
I knew that doing nothing was  
I convinced him that getting the procedure was the right choice  
 
Now I found myself wondering if I did the right thing  
Even if it was the only logical choice  
Had I condemned him?  
Had I taken a life?  
 
There was so much family drama going on  
All the parasites were hovering in anticipation  
Each jockeying for position and posturing  
He saw them waiting like vultures ready to swoop in  
 
He took the opportunity while we were alone  
He called me in close to say some words in my ear  
"There is something I want to talk with you about when I get home"  
I comforted him and told him he would be home soon  
 
The next time I saw him he was in a convalescent home  
I had asked where he was when his room was empty  
They directed me to the physical therapy room
I looked in the window and saw him but he didnt notice me  
 
He was sat in his wheelchair in the middle of the room  
All alone completely distraught as the tears flowed  
It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to witness  
To see a man so completely and utterly destroyed  
 
The next and last time I saw him alive was 3 days later  
He was laid in a hospital bed in a coma  
I got in closer and whispered in his ear that it was ok for him to go  
That we would all be fine and he didn't need to worry  
 
It was the last words I ever said to him  
It was the last lie I ever told him  
An hour and a half later he was gone  
He never made it home and we never had that talk  
 
That has eaten at me every single day since  
Ill never know what he wanted to tell me  
Ill never know if he forgave me for pushing him  
Ill never know if he was at peace when he left this earth  
 
Ill never know