opening old wounds

I took a trip down memory lane
sucker punched myself
with our past

Every single emotion
I buried
rising like bile
in my throat
how could I have forgotten
what we put ourselves through
in the push and pull
of young desperate love

I still remember
the way your cruelty tastes
and how my desperation
made it easier
to twist the knife

Though I wasn't blameless
in our demise

I still remember
the rhythm of my heartbeat
when you'd message me
out of nowhere
to say you missed me
and how I would agonise
over how I should reply
and if I should reply at all

But like the addict I am
I always fell back into you  

I remember how hard
and long it took
to get over you
and how I never
really got there

I remember the shame
of every slip

I remember every
wall and boundary
I clumsily built
and how it made no difference
to the wreck of my heart
that insisted on beating
to the sound of your name

I took a trip down memory lane
sucker punched myself
with our past
 
And now all I want
is to forget

-Eve-