Phlegmatic Pig

An arrogant pig comes home from work
He comes into the house and says,
"Honey I'm home"
Silence
He goes from room to room with his revolver out
So dramatic
Like something you'd see on one of those lame ass TV cop shows from the 1980's
He stops in front of the mirror and strikes a few poses before checking out the rest of the house
No one's home
He goes into the kitchen to get a beer
He looks out into the backyard
To his disbelief, he runs out to a tree and looks up
His wife & kid are hanging by their necks
He looks up at his wife
Something wet hits him in the eye
He steps back and looks up again
It's her urine dripping off her foot
He calls his pals down at the station and they come over
They have a few beers and cut down the wife and kid
They place blankets over the bodies and talk about the upcoming fundraiser that the town will be hosting
Another ordinary day of work as a pig