The Dominant Drug Fairy

Lately,
No, for quite some time,
I've wanted to jettison my cerebral graveyard 
shove it like a bag of skeletons and moldy rags
down my 4th story trash chute

I count down the days until my psychiatry appointment
hoping this doctor is more than just a drug fairy

I smile as I shake his hand
breezily ask him to excuse my appearance
I came straight from school
closing out my classroom for the year
moving to a new room
stacking tables!
carrying heavy boxes!
Ha ha!

Three minutes later,
I'm cralking:
crying + talking.
staccato syllables + tears + snot
pluck, pluck, pluck
decimating tissues from the box on his desk

As everything
and then some
is pouring out
he's asking me what I want from this first appointment

I want you to be more than a drug fairy.

I look up
daring myself to establish eye contact
but all I see are full, sensual lips
with a hint of a smile.


Oh shit...

At some point
At some time
after he's asked the usual stuff,
we're talking about my relationship history

I mention the man I came closest to marrying
and then hear myself say I'm thinking of asking him if he wants to have an affair
I mean, he and his wife never travel together
They haven't really been a couple in years...

"Why haven't you asked Stuart if he wants to have an affair?"

Um, I don't know...

"Why haven't you asked Stuart if he wants to have an affair ??"

I don't know! I haven't seen him in person in years. His wife is beautiful. I need to lose weight first...and see him first, I mean, that makes sense, right?


Why haven't you asked Stuart if he wants to have an affair???

 I DON'T KNOW! HE KISSES LIKE A STARVING DOG ATTACKING A BOWL OF ALPO, OKAY? IT WOULD BE AWKWARD! HOW DO YOU START AN AFFAIR WITH LIKE, EW, NO, DON'T KISS ME??!

Oh my.

I refrain from telling him that Stuart's bad kissing was forgivable because of his extraordinary oral talent elsewhere. 

At some point, toward the end of appointment, he says this: I'm not your therapist. I'm just your drug fairy. But I do want to see you in a few weeks. 

I propose early July, when I'll be finished teaching summer school.

No, he'll be out of the office. It has to be in three weeks or seven weeks.

I ponder like I'm contemplating entering the military. Three he decides for me. Ahh. How nice. But...I'd have to miss two hours of summer school. That's $90. A pittance to some, but I need every $45 hour I can get. So I should say no, let's make it seven weeks.

But, finally finding a psychiatrist who recommends Dialectical Behavioral Therapy instead of drugs?

Awesome.

And...walking out of a shrink appointment floaty and dreamy like after a different type of session?

Priceless.