conditioned vs need...

 
there's a dichotomy in my being
the conditioned vs need
when repeated exposure to those with ulterior motives
programmed my expectations

I learned to please...
& be thankful for scraps
the occasional kiss or tender caress
while they insisted I lavish them with reverence

I learned to disconnect sex...
...from intimacy
...believing such beauty wasn't meant for me
I was told I didn't deserve foreplay
...whatever that means

bitch, do your job
& make me cum
while I burned to yell
go to hell
when is it my turn

so I poured my most cherished desires
into line after line of poetic fire
inked onto page after page...
...but devoid of my reality
& I ache
desperately crave
to know & understand
what it means to be romanced by a man
as foreplay makes me flinch
wondering what's expected of me next

it's true what they say...
...we teach them how to treat us
but who taught us...
...what to expect in the first place
we aren't just born that way

does it come by osmosis
nah...
I'm not buying it...
it's shown to us

I've learned the hard way
nothing comes without a price
I live...breathe...die...
...within a passionate kiss
yet experience far too few
certainly not enough to sustain
feed the desperate hunger in between

tragic...pathetic...
call it what you wish
this is my truth
one I hope to eventually correct



who knows...it's possible...yeah...it is what it is