letter to myself

Let's be honest  
I'm really fucking proud of you  
I know we've been walking  
that edge lately  
between coming and going  
between setting life on fire  
and trying to smother the sparks
that are already in motion
 
We're constantly surrounded  
by stoners and alcoholics  
and the occasional meth addict
but you never let it
get inside your head  
you never slip
you smile  
play nice  
lock your housemate's patio door
at night when he passes out  
with the screen wide open  
 
We could get stoned  
every night if we wanted  
and let's be honest  
some days we want to  
but you let that life go  
told that bend in reality  
that you prefer the real world  
and most days we do  
 
We're over 12 years in  
to a life without alcohol
and I know some days  
you dream of breaking  
that daily vow  
you subconsciously make  
to yourself  
but even on the worst days  
you stay strong  
to the sobriety you've chosen  
and smoking a joint  
once every six months or so  
doesn't change that  
 
And I know you worry  
about the days ahead  
and the crumbling edge  
of your own sanity  
and the sanity of those  
you love more than your own life  
cause you're not sure  
you can go down that road again
watch someone you love  
die of cancer  
though the results aren't in  
and it'll be another 3 weeks  
before the bloods come back  
and you can crumple  
with relief  
or rip a hole in the universe  
with your screams  
 
And I just wanna say  
that no matter how dark  
things might get
I believe in you  
and I know you can get  
through this without  
the slow suicide of addiction
 
We've made it this far  
what's one more step?