Relapse

I sit in this darkness,  and all I do is think.
Im not doing drugs
There's nothing to drink.
I created this mess.
I made my own bed.  
Now I sit here alone with the thoughts in my head.  
Will I ever learn?
No it doesn't seem so...
Will I ever feel better.  
I really don't know. ..
Only I can change it..
But I don't want to alone  .
I just want someone here w me
It sucks on my own.
And I know I can do it ,
I've done it before ..
But this time seems different.
And im not really sure .
I seem to have lost me.    
Somewhere deep inside  ..
Im not sure how to find me.  
And I sure haven't tried.  
I let down the person ...
I love the most.  
And now I feel so empty ...
Like im almost a ghost.
I used to be better.  ..
I miss that u know  !
And now I feel lost ...
With nowhere to go !