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Chapter 13 Inner Struggle in the Church Pew
Chapter 13 Inner Struggle in the Church Pew
“When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures…” Galatians 5:19
As Brittney heard the scripture read, she felt a whirlwind of shock, guilt, and fear. As the pastor continued, she couldn't shake the feeling that the message was directed straight at her, exposing her deepest secrets and desires for all to see.
The mention of "sinful nature" and the consequences of following it sent a flush of embarrassment creeping up her neck. She felt as if every eye in the church was trained on her and judging her. The memory of her time with David burned in her mind. How could she have been engaged in such deep sin only two days before? Her eyes scanned the stained-glass windows and felt the stark conflicts that ran deep within her.
Despite her efforts to focus on the sermon, her thoughts kept drifting back to David, his touch, his presence. She was consumed by the memory and the preacher’s voice was reduced to a background murmur. She looked down at her daughters’ faces leaning against her breasts, remembering how David’s hands had caressed her. Then she felt the taste of saltiness on her tongue as she replayed her actions.
When Grace looked up at her with questioning eyes, Brittney felt a pang of guilt. She knew she could never articulate the turmoil raging within her. But she knew that children are perceptive. Her daughters were so innocent and filled with love. Could they sense her betrayal?
Brittney kissed the tip of her finger and then touched Grace’s birth mark with a smile. Grace closed her eyes.
Suddenly Brittney felt a tingling sensation coursing through her body and then realized she was wet. Oh, God, not here, she thought. This had never happened to her before, not in church. She glanced around and saw Alex looking at her from the choir loft. She wondered if he read her thoughts.
Brittney lowered her eyes. She knew that she couldn't escape the pull of her desires, that she would be drawn back to David's arms. She felt powerless and at the mercy of a God she wasn’t sure existed anymore.
“When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures…” Galatians 5:19
As Brittney heard the scripture read, she felt a whirlwind of shock, guilt, and fear. As the pastor continued, she couldn't shake the feeling that the message was directed straight at her, exposing her deepest secrets and desires for all to see.
The mention of "sinful nature" and the consequences of following it sent a flush of embarrassment creeping up her neck. She felt as if every eye in the church was trained on her and judging her. The memory of her time with David burned in her mind. How could she have been engaged in such deep sin only two days before? Her eyes scanned the stained-glass windows and felt the stark conflicts that ran deep within her.
Despite her efforts to focus on the sermon, her thoughts kept drifting back to David, his touch, his presence. She was consumed by the memory and the preacher’s voice was reduced to a background murmur. She looked down at her daughters’ faces leaning against her breasts, remembering how David’s hands had caressed her. Then she felt the taste of saltiness on her tongue as she replayed her actions.
When Grace looked up at her with questioning eyes, Brittney felt a pang of guilt. She knew she could never articulate the turmoil raging within her. But she knew that children are perceptive. Her daughters were so innocent and filled with love. Could they sense her betrayal?
Brittney kissed the tip of her finger and then touched Grace’s birth mark with a smile. Grace closed her eyes.
Suddenly Brittney felt a tingling sensation coursing through her body and then realized she was wet. Oh, God, not here, she thought. This had never happened to her before, not in church. She glanced around and saw Alex looking at her from the choir loft. She wondered if he read her thoughts.
Brittney lowered her eyes. She knew that she couldn't escape the pull of her desires, that she would be drawn back to David's arms. She felt powerless and at the mercy of a God she wasn’t sure existed anymore.
Published 18th Apr 2024
Author's Note
The next chapter in my novella.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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18th Apr 2024 5:58pm
If you man isn't loving you right, then you must find it somewhere else. Kerp on writing.
19th Apr 2024 6:26am
I might say gently to Brittney I believe there is mercy for those who turn back to God and repent of what they would otherwise be judged for. I think of the parable of the Prodigal Son, he came to a place where he was not comfortable about what he had done. So many people have come to renewed sense of faith and forgiveness as result of similarly struggling as Brittney is here. I have known people - men as well as women - be in tears going through the conviction experience while worshipping or listening to preachers.
19th Apr 2024 1:42pm
