crossroads.

when you come down the path of life, you come to crossroads..
its up to YOU to make the choice of grabbing a needle and sticking it in your arm, its up to YOU to spend your last 120 bucks on an 8ball..  
yea,every drug addict (ex drug addict, whatever) knows EXACTLY what im talking about.
 
in 6th grade i took my first hit of weed, ehh it was pretty great at first.. then about a year later i tried cocaine.. it was ok to just do a couple times every couple months... but not gonna start using it , well thats what i told myself. five years later i look back and realized.. wtf how am i STILL using this shit? how am i smoking meth? how do i get the money for this? oh ya you dont need money when you have good ''friends''(dealers that once was your BESTFRIEND) ... but when your come down those two choices you have at those crossroads (life&death).. which will YOU choose??  
 
 
i chose wrong, i didnt even choose to be honest, never had the chance to, i was already wayyy to far gone to even consider LIFE...  
(dont worry, im not writing this for nothing)
 
but im writing this to tell you drug addict, or recovering addict.. you CAN do it. you can let it go, you can walk away..
 
i never had anyone tell me that until about 5/6 years into my addiction... but when they did, it was someone i didnt know.. it was someone whom of which i met the same day they told me that they have FAITH in me....  
 
 
it helped. didnt ''cure'' me.. didnt ''fix'' me.. it just helped me.
 
it helped me realize im more then drugs.. i have alot more to offer then having sex just to get my fix free cause i ran out of money... the sadest thing is, that i CAN DO IT, i KNOW I CAN, people are helping me, people i dont even know, but yet im still doing it... i can sit here and say ''im so amazing , i kicked my addiction '' and a bunch of other bullshit... but deep deep down inside, i know i wouldnt be saying that, if everyone had me figured out. if everyone knew the big picture theyd know im just a liar... straight up.
 
but there may be people not as bad as i am, and need someone whose delt with it before, i want to help them sooo bad, truth is you cant help somone without finding help for yourself first..  
ive cleaned up Alot more than anyone had ever expected.. i dont use it everyday, in fact i was clean for about five months before i decided i wanted that life back.. but it wasnt ME who wanted it, it was the demon i had become, which obviously wasnt completely beaten. ive done it like 5 times in a month.. im not ''fixed'' im still just as evil as ever... if i had the chance to ... well, lets not talk about that.. i just wish there was someone , somehow , that would take me away from this hell.. but yet, even with many cries of help, no one listens. no ones there.  
 
all the friends i use to have are gone since i ''quit using''.. everyone i know is caught up in the life, they cant let it go..  
 
...
 
im trying to go back and choose life now.... but it just doesnt work like that.. you cant willing choose death and then expect to be ok when you ''change your mind''... after choosing death and going down the road of drugs, there is no possible way choosing Life will be easy.. if you used for more then 6/7 months of well, meth , cocaine, heroin.. ect, then it will be a battle of your lifetime to get over that addiction.. even after youve completely beaten it, it wont ever be complete... youll still have to deal with the depression, the loss of hope in life, and the want for the drug of your choice...... just please choose the right pathway for a good life.... all i can say is, the choice of death, drugs, is more then just that. its a lifetime choice. trust me, you do not want that life...