The Poetry Won’t Bring You Back

Pouring over these former letters
Reactivating the potency of my emotions
How do I keep the memory of you alive
What good is it to look in rearview

I can’t help but reminisce again
When every word is a snapshot from my heart
Writing to commemorate, honor, and ache for you

Another letter, another year, another moment I feel the lack
So many words to express my love
Yet no matter what I say, the poetry won’t bring you back

Speaking like floral arrangements at the grave of another memory
When there’s so much I wish you could be here to see
I feel I don’t do justice your legacy
As I look into the broken mirror reflecting all the shards of me

Videos harbor the essence of your grace
Yet even still aren’t enough to act as a substitute for your embrace

Yearning once more to see you face to face
Out of reach yet still I run to match your pace

Trying to keep up with the way you ran the race
It’s been four years and without you here, I still feel out of place

Belonging versus absence
There are parts of me that have passed away
When you are a light extinguished
I exist here in the night of another day

A question still echoes like whispers in my head
As to where I’ll end up in eternity
Will I see you again or am I spiritually dead
When I know all too well the weight of my hypocrisy

As I doubt the best for the worst in me
Yet I hope in my will to continue on
Because when I think of you I have confidence in my identity
I can still hear your voice even though you’re gone

If I knew then what I know now, in the hindsight journals of 2020 reflected
All the phone calls I might’ve made, all I wish I had or hadn’t spoken

Our bonds I feel in some way I neglected
Some days I feel like I’m okay but others I’m still broken

Holding on as I savor the memory of everything you are
When I think of you, I think of heaven, and it doesn’t feel so far…