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Reckless are ends, unspoken

   
i watch    
the sun    
being tucked away    
   
my skin, still warm    
from the strength    
of florida sunshine,    
radiates our stark contrast    
   
wasn't it yesterday    
where sandcastles grew tall    
and all that one particular day knew    
were peals of shared laughter with zero agenda    
   
funny, how a child's mind retains such goodness while packing away the hurt    
   
fading light plays it's tricks,    
thunder rolls in the distance    
maybe a warning of turmoil—    
an omen the universe gifts, as reminder    
   
her knotted hands    
brush off    
haggard knees,    
accompanied by silent head shakes    
   
then mumbling    
something mean or awful,    
powerfully acrid acrimony    
she's unaware 'midst the spewing swears    
riding along, now a hitchhiker    
[i know]    
   
tension fills the space    
between us and an ease    
just out of reach,    
she stiffens with the tiniest assistance    
   
crepe paper skin hangs over bones,    
held together by what i'm convinced    
is her lifelong assumption of always being right    
and the driving need from one last cigarette    
   
i take note how she missed    
dusk's colors running together    
with silent fanfare,    
something she usually always comments on    
   
no one tells you when it's the very last time    
   
resolute, i inhale deeply    
breathing in what I think    
is wisdom    
from time served    
   
marveling    
as my bruised lungs                          
take their fill,    
struggle to be ferocious    
in ancient ways our warrior    
ancestors mustered    
   
there's a soft soundtrack playing,    
old songs mockingbird's sing;    
i let my attention slowly lose focus    
easing off the pain and fear    
   
of the known and especially the unknown    
   
part of me    
tries to make peace    
with an inescapability    
amid certain endings    
   
the kind you never really see coming    
   
until it's too close,    
too heavy    
and far too real    
   
by then,    
it's decidedly delivered,    
honed, honest    
destruction    
   
acutely unbearable,    
weighs the heaviness of all that finality    
temper-mixed with greedy relief;    
strange, how reckless dying can feel...    
   
similar thoughts roost within    
   
so,    
i momentarily let responsibility    
roll off my back    
   
sit with    
what is the now of it    
pensive moments    
just for me    
   
[gathering strength]    
   
before quietly trying to accept    
today's preamble    
being prelude    
   
   
 to a hell which inevitably awaits    
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
Written by Bluevelvete
Published | Edited 14th Mar 2025
Author's Note
A reworked piece for the Mom comp
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/12712/

I've learned to really give enormous credence to that phrase 'take things day by day.' The mother/daughter relationship I have with my mom has always been contentious, at best. So the struggling for me to keep my sanity and composure, as her and I move into this last stage her life, is beyond anything I've ever experienced. Doing my best, some days, feels like abject failure.... yet, I carry on. I find a bit of solace in taking back my power via doing what's right with her care. Things have momentarily improved with medication adjustment and outside nursing help...yet, I know there's many challenges to come. Maybe our past was a sort of preparation?!?... I often wonder...

©Blu2024
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