(20) Losing it 12.06.23 @ 2:27am

I’m very unhappy, desperate even.
I’m sick of all this, I’m ready to go.
I’m frustrated, depressed, angry and sad.
I’m tired of being alive, I’m tired of all the lies.

I’m fed up with the constant fear of death.
Torn apart as I’m stuck in the middle.
My outer anatomy has weakened rapidly.
Eyes at a blinding state, crashing down.

Heart rate a rapid pace, running.
Patience now a loss, it’s gone.
Happiness burnt through the flames.
Motivation wash down with pure gasoline.

I’m sorry Mom.
I’m sorry Dad.
I’m sorry bro!
I’ve hurt them all.

I blame myself and the alcohol.
Do I deserve their love and forgiveness?
Fuck no, not a chance in hell.
Real life matters have definitely crushed my spirits.

In your face, I will smile.
Meanwhile sugarcoating what’s behind it.
Please forgive me,
I never meant for any of this to happen.

My intentions were to do good.
Not to cause pain or do harm.
All is in the past now, I have to let go.
I have to learn how to forgive myself.