go back to sleep...

 
when the nightmares fade
and the fog of time settles in
like an old patchwork quilt
scraps of the past stitched together
in some haphazard kinda manner
blanketing history with a groggy me
muffling the internal screams
until I'm finally able to sleep
unsettled...twitchy...a little uneasy...
but desperate for a respite
a moment's unblemished peace
I lay tensed in a compact ball
occupying the least required space
waiting for sandman's call
listening to the erratic thud of my heart
and the unnaturally loud sound of my breathing
before uninterrupted slumber eventually claims me

they say go back to sleep
it's just a bad dream
I beg to differ
when imagery is founded in history
stuck on emotional repeat
...that's an alternate reality
a mind trap that trumps normality
and if I could figure out what flips the switch
and causes me shift into its territory
I'd happily rewire all that circuitry
deny access to my energy...stability...tranquility
embracing the calm in me
instead I spend many nights gasping for grounding
reliving moments I wish were forgotten
sucking in oxygen & mentally drowning
grateful for the silence
when they do finally go dormant
knowing I'd better enjoy it
no telling when they'll next appear on my doormat