beyond closed doors

 
the memory retains the oddest things
scraps of random this & that
storing information for later retrieval
though how it knows what will one day be important...
...is beyond my comprehension
I remember the first time I kissed you in public
you were both shocked & delighted
because you came from a time & place
where such things were forbidden
I've never been one to keep my loyalty hidden
fingers linked walking down the street
...to me it was no big deal
a casual display of affection
much treasured physical contact
while you caressed my hand with your thumb
in a decidedly proprietary fashion
almost as though you possessed gold
unsure if it was safe to be seen
never mind the decadent perversions we indulged ourselves with in private
exploring fetishes & kinks just to try them
but as soon as we left that protected room
you rewrote your character
and it became a different story
you turned into someone else when outside
where stranger's eyes fell upon our outward contrast
I don't think what they observed ever really mattered
you only saw what you experienced in your past
an age before mine
a life I never knew
always broke my heart a little for you
yet you seemed to revel in the difference
like you were getting back a bit of your own
flagrantly flipping the bird to that part of your history
just by being openly loved by me
and in retrospect...
I wonder sometimes if what you found most attractive
wasn't actually me....
...but the taboo you still imagined...