deepundergroundpoetry.com
Serpentine
I hear it
More than
I feel it
The knocking
Drumming
Inside a vacant
Studio hallway
Filled with gateways
The floor a treadmill
I’m at a steady pace
Paragliding
The far end wall
Lifetimes away
I hear music behind
Each gateway door
Glowing
Garnet
Hearts filled with
Pomegranate seeds
For doorknobs
Still, waiting for
A pulse
A sound
To split open
My soul streams
Serpentine
From door to door
In search of new lungs
A newborn’s first
Gasp of breath
But also wondering
In the back of my
Rapidly withering
Consciousness
Will my sons follow
Will my mom be there
Will I even remember
Before I make
My first sound
Even if just for one
Blessed fleeting memory
Like forgetting my past
Cocoons filled with dust
The passing
An abyss
Traumatic
Fantastic
Where I will
Cease to exist
But not yet
Because somewhere
In this studio’s spirit
I hear it
More than
I feel it
The little girl
In my ear
Playing my eardrum
Waiting to be reborn
More than
I feel it
The knocking
Drumming
Inside a vacant
Studio hallway
Filled with gateways
The floor a treadmill
I’m at a steady pace
Paragliding
The far end wall
Lifetimes away
I hear music behind
Each gateway door
Glowing
Garnet
Hearts filled with
Pomegranate seeds
For doorknobs
Still, waiting for
A pulse
A sound
To split open
My soul streams
Serpentine
From door to door
In search of new lungs
A newborn’s first
Gasp of breath
But also wondering
In the back of my
Rapidly withering
Consciousness
Will my sons follow
Will my mom be there
Will I even remember
Before I make
My first sound
Even if just for one
Blessed fleeting memory
Like forgetting my past
Cocoons filled with dust
The passing
An abyss
Traumatic
Fantastic
Where I will
Cease to exist
But not yet
Because somewhere
In this studio’s spirit
I hear it
More than
I feel it
The little girl
In my ear
Playing my eardrum
Waiting to be reborn
Published 12th Jan 2024
Author's Note
Just curious
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 13
reading list entries 3
comments 22
reads 422
Commenting Preference:
The author is looking for friendly feedback.
12th Jan 2024 5:31am
We recently had a convo about death and resurrection, or the concept of energy which is life simply returning in another form. We could go on for hours on this topic because we think on it seriously. There hare and has been to many civilizations that has believed in the life performing a cycle. Always remember that energy can't be destroyed and we are simply energy. Tight one Lady
12th Jan 2024 5:40am
I think about it a lot too. Not death itself - but the transition.
It's the big mystery Meme. I feel as writers we have some control
to create what we want. Worlds, words, colors, people.
We're vignettes of life. I hope to see everyone I've ever know on the other side of the world - the other side of heaven. Living is the hell part in my opinion:)
Thanks for the read!
It's the big mystery Meme. I feel as writers we have some control
to create what we want. Worlds, words, colors, people.
We're vignettes of life. I hope to see everyone I've ever know on the other side of the world - the other side of heaven. Living is the hell part in my opinion:)
Thanks for the read!
Anonymous
- Edited 28th Mar 2025 1:50am
12th Jan 2024 11:15am
<< post removed >>
14th Jan 2024 3:10am
I had no idea about your mom.
She is very lucky to have you as a daughter:)
Sending peace, grace, and bravery to your mom, you, and your family.
As writers it does bring me some sense of comfort. I see it in my mind
as a transition. I didn't really come to that conclusion until later in life.
Maybe it's wishful thinking - maybe not - but I'm a glass half full
kind of person:)
Thanks for stopping by for the read.
She is very lucky to have you as a daughter:)
Sending peace, grace, and bravery to your mom, you, and your family.
As writers it does bring me some sense of comfort. I see it in my mind
as a transition. I didn't really come to that conclusion until later in life.
Maybe it's wishful thinking - maybe not - but I'm a glass half full
kind of person:)
Thanks for stopping by for the read.
12th Jan 2024 12:31pm
We all want to be reborn into the heavenly light. Keep on writing my sexy lady.
14th Jan 2024 3:11am
12th Jan 2024 12:47pm
The beginning of this had a feeling of moving & getting nowhere. Then it shifted into an alternate reality feeling of perception vs real. Then you wove into pondering the end...and back again. Perfect title for this piece!
14th Jan 2024 3:15am
Hi Willow!
I'm stretching everywhere in my writing. I just had the whole vision
when writing. It was flowing - serpentine like. LOL
Kinda all over the place and back again. The recycle of life - the great mystery.
Thanks for stopping by amiga!
I'm stretching everywhere in my writing. I just had the whole vision
when writing. It was flowing - serpentine like. LOL
Kinda all over the place and back again. The recycle of life - the great mystery.
Thanks for stopping by amiga!
12th Jan 2024 1:37pm
There's so much mystery and feeling packed in here. This is what wonder and writing are all about.
Tell us more A ..
BIG LIKE
Tell us more A ..
BIG LIKE
14th Jan 2024 3:18am
Who doesn't love a great mystery.:)
As writers we can have lots of different perspectives
when it comes to the afterlife. This is a
version that came into my mind and I started writing.
And I love my kids - so I do wonder about afterwards.
It's the mom in me. Can't help it even if I tried.
Thanks for stopping by buddy!!
As writers we can have lots of different perspectives
when it comes to the afterlife. This is a
version that came into my mind and I started writing.
And I love my kids - so I do wonder about afterwards.
It's the mom in me. Can't help it even if I tried.
Thanks for stopping by buddy!!
13th Jan 2024 5:12am
Dear A,
I really liked the dreamscape you’ve written here. It felt for me, fragmented like dreams often do. Many moving parts I’m either watching happen or worse. Engaged in the happening of it. Those are the ones where I wake up exhausted feeling I’ve been awake all night working through this damn dream!
I always enjoy where your writings take us. There’s so much to think of when this happens. Never know where we’re going to end up! Totally awesome. H🌷
I really liked the dreamscape you’ve written here. It felt for me, fragmented like dreams often do. Many moving parts I’m either watching happen or worse. Engaged in the happening of it. Those are the ones where I wake up exhausted feeling I’ve been awake all night working through this damn dream!
I always enjoy where your writings take us. There’s so much to think of when this happens. Never know where we’re going to end up! Totally awesome. H🌷
14th Jan 2024 3:26am
Hi H:)
Tapping into visuals and making them interesting to read is tricky. It's challenging for me in ways that keep me engaged in my writing. If it's boring I loose interest.
I do the best I can in staying authentic to the dream. It's important to me to catch metaphors that are relatable. Visuals too!
Thanks for stopping by and for the RL:)
Tapping into visuals and making them interesting to read is tricky. It's challenging for me in ways that keep me engaged in my writing. If it's boring I loose interest.
I do the best I can in staying authentic to the dream. It's important to me to catch metaphors that are relatable. Visuals too!
Thanks for stopping by and for the RL:)
13th Jan 2024 7:46pm
Cocoon of dust... metaphor indeed. My love, you're still a silky butterfly.
Perhaps this write is you standing upon the peak of life, of what was and what will be.
Yet as too many see a downhill for themselves, moving forward, it still has its rises . You have so many rises upon horizons yet to be discovered. Bring a pen and paper, and be ready to describe them.
You write like you see; Your curiosity keeps you looking forward. And I thrive on it.
Perhaps this write is you standing upon the peak of life, of what was and what will be.
Yet as too many see a downhill for themselves, moving forward, it still has its rises . You have so many rises upon horizons yet to be discovered. Bring a pen and paper, and be ready to describe them.
You write like you see; Your curiosity keeps you looking forward. And I thrive on it.
14th Jan 2024 3:36am
Hey babe!
You know me - I love putting on different hats when writing. It keeps me
centered and grounded. Our imagination in a powerful thing. I need to keep mine in constant motion. Upward - downward - sideways. Just following my inner compass on subject matter.
Growing is vital to writing:)
You are my peak of life baby. I'm looking forward to everything where you are concerned:)
You know me - I love putting on different hats when writing. It keeps me
centered and grounded. Our imagination in a powerful thing. I need to keep mine in constant motion. Upward - downward - sideways. Just following my inner compass on subject matter.
Growing is vital to writing:)
You are my peak of life baby. I'm looking forward to everything where you are concerned:)
13th Jan 2024 10:08pm
OH! THIS:
Hearts filled with
Pomegranate seeds
For doorknobs
THIS!!!!!
In Greek Mythology, Persephone was trapped by Hades. He stole her to hell because he was in love with her, and she could leave hell if she didn't eat or drink... but he gave her a pomegranate.
Now, she lived a double life, half of her world in heaven and half in hell because of that trickery,
Pomegranate seeds are symbolic in a trapped love. An inability to be free all of the time.
To use that counter-image as a doorknob is crazy good imagery.
Great piece. I enjoyed the flickering images.
Hearts filled with
Pomegranate seeds
For doorknobs
THIS!!!!!
In Greek Mythology, Persephone was trapped by Hades. He stole her to hell because he was in love with her, and she could leave hell if she didn't eat or drink... but he gave her a pomegranate.
Now, she lived a double life, half of her world in heaven and half in hell because of that trickery,
Pomegranate seeds are symbolic in a trapped love. An inability to be free all of the time.
To use that counter-image as a doorknob is crazy good imagery.
Great piece. I enjoyed the flickering images.
14th Jan 2024 3:47am
Hey Betty!
I also read somewhere that was first planted by Aphrodite.
It also is a symbolic in other religions with mediation between
life and death - I think. LOL
I always see those Pom drinks at the grocery store all the time!
They remind me of blood.
My birthstone is garnet so I was also thinking about little tings of rhyming and that word came up. It's also the same color.
I'm kind of addicted to imagery. LOL
Thanks for stopping by
for a read!
I also read somewhere that was first planted by Aphrodite.
It also is a symbolic in other religions with mediation between
life and death - I think. LOL
I always see those Pom drinks at the grocery store all the time!
They remind me of blood.
My birthstone is garnet so I was also thinking about little tings of rhyming and that word came up. It's also the same color.
I'm kind of addicted to imagery. LOL
Thanks for stopping by
for a read!
18th Feb 2024 11:00pm
I think as we get older we reach a higher level of peace and understanding of ourselves.
"In search of new lungs
A newborn’s first
Gasp of breath"
I loved how these lines really bring out the precious first breaths of a newborn, pure and simple, destined to bring about love and security, and if in this cycle, we are given a chance to return and try it again.
Nicely penned.
"In search of new lungs
A newborn’s first
Gasp of breath"
I loved how these lines really bring out the precious first breaths of a newborn, pure and simple, destined to bring about love and security, and if in this cycle, we are given a chance to return and try it again.
Nicely penned.
21st Feb 2024 1:18am
Hi Wally
Thank you so much for that. It was a vision I saw in my mind.
Tried to bring the scene alive in a way:)
My mind likes to image all kinds
of scenarios.
It enjoys exploring.
thanks for stopping by for a read
truly appreciated:)
Thank you so much for that. It was a vision I saw in my mind.
Tried to bring the scene alive in a way:)
My mind likes to image all kinds
of scenarios.
It enjoys exploring.
thanks for stopping by for a read
truly appreciated:)
19th Feb 2024 3:29am
Hey Adelphina, my thoughts for a comment on this masterpiece has stunned my words. Brilliantly written when you can make another writer lose their words. Tipping my pen to you with wonderment. Purple luv & hugs 💜
Hi FG!
Thank you so much. I'm so happy you felt it. The wonderment.
That makes me happy as well as reading your comment.
This is an awesome comment!!!
Don't be a stranger chica:)
Happy to see ya on my page
Thank you so much. I'm so happy you felt it. The wonderment.
That makes me happy as well as reading your comment.
This is an awesome comment!!!
Don't be a stranger chica:)
Happy to see ya on my page
6th May 2024 2:53pm
Love the title, you had me on the edge of my seat and I love that ending. Also this was an intense thought..
"Filled with gateways
The floor a treadmill
I’m at a steady pace"
I'm like... fxxk... what happens if she loses her pace.
LJ
"Filled with gateways
The floor a treadmill
I’m at a steady pace"
I'm like... fxxk... what happens if she loses her pace.
LJ
21st May 2024 2:30am
Hey!
Sorry for the late response!!
Lots going on offsite - my youngest graduates high school this week.
To your kick ass comment - it's a dream Just had these thoughts and it started flowing. Tried to catch them best I could.
Thanks for the RL!!
Sorry for the late response!!
Lots going on offsite - my youngest graduates high school this week.
To your kick ass comment - it's a dream Just had these thoughts and it started flowing. Tried to catch them best I could.
Thanks for the RL!!
