Silence can be louder than words

I'm sorry I haven't been the greatest company lately.
I have thoughts in my head,
    That are driving me crazy.

I am Sick to my stomach,
  I'm feeling so weak.
 So much at once.
  I cannot speak,
    Or think
       Or breathe.

  How do I breathe?

In.
 and out.
In
 and out.

Here I go again.
  Down this fucking rabbit hole,
  Jokes are not always funny,
   Sometimes you're just
 playing a fool in a funny hat.

Like the cat said,
  We're all mad here.

 But aren't we?

Pointing fingers,
  When we are one in the same.

All sinners,
   Desperate to be saved.
Tempted by fate.
 
It was true that they ate the apple.
  Such a forbidden fruit.
     But so sweet on your lips,
You can't deny that it's true!

 That you sin too!

No!
 I'm not the only one,
   Getting lost in my head.
Filled with temptation,
  living in dread.

We all have our demons.
  We all have our reasons,
    For isolating ourselves.
      Judging our own covers,
          like books up on shelves.

Weve all done something that makes us hate ourselves.
 

Remember to breathe.

In
  And out.

  In
   And out.


All too often we get lost,
  And in turn pay a sort of cost.

Like our actions,
   each one comes with it's own consequence.

Paying the price.
      Is more than "playing nice" for a season.

Or in your case a temporary solution.
  For the mental pollution,
       that you try to fill my head with.
    
This nonsense that I am less than you.

It simply isn't true.

I am just as equally fucked up as you.

We all have our demons.
  
The ones that follow us around.
   Wherever we go.
      From town to town.

They like to linger around.

   Waiting for moments of weakness.

Moments you need to pray,  
    but suddenly you're rendered speechless.

Like a pattern they repeat this.

Over and over again.

Until you give in.

But giving in,
  Doesn't mean that I am giving up.

Oh no.

I've just begun,
   To build my armor.
I've merely just discovered the true power of Jesus Christ.

I'm learning what it means to be the daughter of a king,
   So don't mistake my silence for carelessness.
      And never assume my kindness equals weakness.

       I am so much more than this!

           I keep breathing.

        In
         and out.
         In
          and out.