deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Truman Show
On days when there are no nightmares-gunshots-feeling
of sinking in quicksand-or falling from red skies-with
vast space acting as a safety net-tiny squares growing
I just start to wilt like an unused cliché
hating-hurting-hated-hurt-hollow-hung-over
I stand under the shower-let the water
wash me over which it does and then
there is always the monotony of
water rolling down in trickles
the body stops feeling it
and it gets tedious just to
stand erect facing the walls
the-same-old-goddamn-walls-with
the-same-old-cheap-tiles-almost opaque-
not even offering a faint glimpse of
my beaten-swollen-bluesy face
and after a point the water gets inside
my eyes and the tears just duck somewhere
probably due to a difference in osmotic
pressure or whatever and it starts to
burn-upon opening-on closing and that
is usually the time to get out which
I almost always do-wiping myself clean
on the way back to the bedroom
I stand naked in front of the mirror
bloat my stomach and try to disgust
myself and often end up admiring
something or the other and that disgusts me
even more which more or less solves the problem
I play some sleaze-probably Rochelle from 90's
jack off-whimper-shiver-cower and the tears are
usually back by then but there is no place to hide
I try to feign my interest in reading some book
probably A guide to make slipknots or something
by Mishima or Houcellbecq or even Debord
most of the times I end up reading-some pages
before feeling an urge to hurt myself and then
I simply switch on my cell phone and watch the
text messages pour in-surprising me with their
inflow-as the moment I expect them to stop one more
gets in-like the stronger sperm in the white muck
I immediately get a call and after an exchange of
expletives the sobs kick in-premature and then
there is every possible effort to hush and baby
Often it feels spectacular but sometimes it is
just too much to take down the throat and then
more abuses-a dead line-a broken phone-a smile
hyperventilated from the ensuing melodrama
I start my computer-update my status-like what they
have to say-offer-on everything-anything at all
share my opinion-like-then try to strike up
something-resembling a borderline conversation
most of the times it's just an exchange of
emoticons which become downright too predictable
after a time and then the girls invariably ask
if everything's alright and then-
that's-just-about-it-always
Damn women-pushy-probing-curious
nosy-lovely-wanting-caring-loving
so where does that leave me-probably
a murky-smelly place smelling like
a storage room for rotting road kill
and feeling like a comfort zone-may be.
Published 27th Apr 2012
| Edited 2nd Jun 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 1
comments 4
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
28th Apr 2012 1:02am
So raw, blatantly honest, completely unflinching. At times it made me feel uncomfortable in how closely I could relate.
One small issue of wordiness, the words "usually" is used 3 or 4 times here, and is annoyingly repetitive. Maybe the use of a similar word of the erasure of it completely, in a couple of cases. It's usage adds nothing to the flow or story.
"I stand naked in front of the mirror
bloat my stomach and try to disgust
myself and often end up admiring
something or the other and that disgusts
me even more which usually solves the problem
I play some sleaze-probably Rochelle from 90's
jack off-whimper-shiver-cower and the tears are
usually back by then but there is no place to hide
I try to feign my interest in reading some book
probably A guide to make slipknots or something
by Mishima or Houcellbecq or even Debord
most of the times I end up reading-some pages
before feeling an urge to hurt myself and then
I usually switch on my cell phone and watch the
text messages pour in-surprising me with their
inflow-as the moment I expect them to stop one more
gets in-like the stronger sperms in the white muck"
Wonderful write. I enjoy reading your darker side.
Peace, Indie
One small issue of wordiness, the words "usually" is used 3 or 4 times here, and is annoyingly repetitive. Maybe the use of a similar word of the erasure of it completely, in a couple of cases. It's usage adds nothing to the flow or story.
"I stand naked in front of the mirror
bloat my stomach and try to disgust
myself and often end up admiring
something or the other and that disgusts
me even more which usually solves the problem
I play some sleaze-probably Rochelle from 90's
jack off-whimper-shiver-cower and the tears are
usually back by then but there is no place to hide
I try to feign my interest in reading some book
probably A guide to make slipknots or something
by Mishima or Houcellbecq or even Debord
most of the times I end up reading-some pages
before feeling an urge to hurt myself and then
I usually switch on my cell phone and watch the
text messages pour in-surprising me with their
inflow-as the moment I expect them to stop one more
gets in-like the stronger sperms in the white muck"
Wonderful write. I enjoy reading your darker side.
Peace, Indie
Indie
Thanks a ton for pointing it out.
Made it much easier. Was a little apprehensive about posting and rather treating it as a WIP.
Glad it worked for you.
Sumeet
Thanks a ton for pointing it out.
Made it much easier. Was a little apprehensive about posting and rather treating it as a WIP.
Glad it worked for you.
Sumeet
2nd Jun 2012 9:18am
great read.... raw depiction of the existential crisis of the modern man.....
2nd Jun 2012 1:39pm
SS
Welcome and thank you for stopping by.
You have summed it up very well. It is
indeed, the existensial crisis of a zombie
living in modern times. I won't say man.
They are an endangered species.:)
Shine on,
Sumeet
Welcome and thank you for stopping by.
You have summed it up very well. It is
indeed, the existensial crisis of a zombie
living in modern times. I won't say man.
They are an endangered species.:)
Shine on,
Sumeet
