CHERYL GOT A CAKE

it is odd
to want
a thing
and not want
it --
 
to want  
to be invited
but always prefer
book and blanket
to boxed wine  
and small talk
 
to desire the camaraderie
of like minded people
but consistently choose
the TV instead
 
to want to be
the center
but then
yearn for
the sidelines
 
all the years
spent working
in those drab halls
and hardly
a nod goodbye --
just the night supervisor
who smiled
when i turned in  
my badge
and said,
"congratulations"
 
of course,
i told no one but Amanda
i was retiring
 
she hugged me goodbye
 
and that  
was a perfect exit
for the character
nature assigned me --
 
and though
i really wanted more,
i didn't