One to one

One to One

The bough breaks, windows wide,
feet beat concrete, your soapbox chest -
It's been sinking and rising,
the tap in you poured over,
injustice, mountains,
Jurassic Park,
the carpets and floors are blue.
Your body is enraged, visibly shakes.
And we're playing Headbanz,
you are,
for a moment,
an apple outside of time,
and I'm a toaster,
we guess blind -
like we've been doing all day.
Where will I be?
Who will I be put with?
How might it go?

For you there's no calm room,
no train to ride when needing peace,
no blocks, no den, no books,
no stillness but people,
for you - there's me
without warning or preparation,
instead of your usual person,
for you it's Monday
after a weekend away
and you're tired, it's confusing
and you don't cope well this way.

For me there's no cards nor books,
nor green folder, nor break,
no working to clock,
no progressing, assessments
for me there's you,
no warning nor preparation,
try to spend time
soothing the bleak dragon.
I follow on and it's confusing
and then you throw the table -

you throw the table
and aim it at a visitor,
chairs pile, stairs,
you're darting, need a barrier
between the world and yourself
so I step back, see the pressure,
fetch an adult,
replace them in the classroom -
play Indian music,
discuss Manu and the fish.
Pretend you aren't there,
pretend I'm not worried -
I go on
- butcher the French,
a child kindly corrects me.
We finish worksheets,
we finish 'em early.
I teach the tables
how to play wink murder
and the exhausting of adrenaline
rolls over my mind.

There's no debrief today -
I don't know if you're alright,
if you calmed, how you calmed,
if you feel safe or the world stopped spinning.
I inherit thd grief
carry you home with me,
all the spiralling kids before you -
it's just another long day
where they say
it's the best place
to learn any skill,
it's the best place -
unless you're fizzing,
unless the world feels paperthin.