reign overthrown

 
I watched the words
unexpectedly appear on my screen
barely surpressing an internal sigh
I really shouldn't be surprised  
because after all...  
I was the one who walked...
but never blocked
unnecessary...I thought
debating momentarily...
...should I even reply
in the end I did
just to see where it went  
 
and quickly discovered something unforeseen  
I knew him...
...he no longer knows me...
...to be more specific...he never really did
having met me at a time in my life
heart broken & spirit weary
I wasn't even at half capacity when he met me
easy prey for his specific designs
{this is me owning my part
in allowing the hijacking of me}
I made space in my pain
giving him free reign...
...simply because I needed the anchoring
not realizing in the moment...
...I was chaining myself to a concrete block
no oxygen found beneath the surface
 
but I know him & how he moves
the venom laced phrases he used
awareness makes all the difference  
and now here I am...
...stronger than then...than him
having conversation unfiltered with this man
I could feel the surprise behind his words
understanding their meaning...
...for once...
he respected the me he thinks I've become
no longer having use for what once was
because I no longer fit in that capacity
what to do with a woman you once knew
when a stranger is staring back at you
armed with the knowledge...of truth
 
like running from a giant...
...only to turn & see someone diminished in stature
I felt reality shift
there will be no going backward
that's not how this works  
friends...maybe...eventually
because in all the ugly...
...there were moments of learning
and I can respect that component  
accept it & keep it separate
never again to return to us
still...it was very odd...
...suddenly being the one in charge