outside the lines...

 
I am not made to be any man's...  
...everything...  
I don't believe it's possible  
...not for me anyway  
I would blame it on my many fractures  
...they can be a lot to manage  
the nature & texture of my damage  
...never an easy street  
but truth is...it's just me  
...I'm complicated  
{or as my ex recently called me...complex}
 
as much as I crave their company  
eventually I need them to leave  
so I can breathe  
...recalibrate  
...come back to us rejuvenated  
I'm more a vibe or a mood  
a flavor the palate craves  
...inexplicably  
...but not always necessary  
in the moment...only I will do  
 
my shadows can abrade  
my triggers unsettle  
...as they do me  
coming as they do with no warning  
...like living a game of Russian roulette  
never know what or when it's coming  
I don't hold it against them if they run  
...it simply wasn't meant to be  
men tire of my idiosyncrasies...  
{as do I...}  
I'm not a good fit as their one & only constant  
 
I stopped trying to fill that particular mold  
...it only ends in pain  
...for me...them...or both  
there are things he may need that I'm unable to provide  
limitations designed by past experience  
places I don't want to go  
{emotional...physical...or otherwise}  
...and when I love...  
...I will never intentionally deprive  
I'm grateful if he can find it elsewhere  
...and still return wanting me  
 
I know both my strengths & my weakness  
...you might be surprised to find which is which...  
they flip flop...and dovetail  
but in one realm I am exquisite  
when I love...it comes with no limits  
my heart is a well full of giving...  
tell me where I stand...  
...I can stand there forever  
...a living vessel swelling with love  
be honest & treat me respectfully  
...and I'm solid  
come & go  
do your thing...no problem  
 
just don't ask me to be your one & only...  
swearing you'll be true to just me...  
...then turn away & be gone  
as we both know you will...  
...eventually  
just be honest...or move on
 
I did try to warn you...  
...perhaps it bears repeating  
no...  
...I am not made for such things  
...not me...  
I don't mind sharing the load  
...not exclusively seeing to your needs  
...afterall...  
we don't eat the same meal every day  
there is beauty in variety  
different gifts come in each package  
understood & accepted  
...respected...  
...by all parties  
unconventional...maybe  
but it works for me  
because I know...  
...what I give...  
...can only be gotten from me  
 
 
 
 
 
Just trying to articulate & process my needs...it's not for everybody...those who get it...will understand...