Durango

a happy ending is possible...

it tiptoed through my mind, a whisper among noise;
a small font
among quaking bolded neurotic monoliths

imagine the terrible 
it's safer,
but still
the noise
the constant noise
an unwanted rerun
annoying in its frenetic, persistent flickering
muted volume a euphemism

what the hell was I to do with this cat I'd rescued
intending to keep it a week at most
phone calls, social media posts, emails
she was so deserving
but unwanted
turned away
every shelter at critical capacity
too many of her kind
i try to not compare us
and fail

put her back outside
said the inhumane society
please don't do that
said the kindly, old veterinarian
you wouldn't believe the things we see
oh, i do indeed believe it
i live there
constantly stumbling with my eyes closed
you wouldn't believe the things i've seen


so she stayed in my bedroom
protected from my grouchy older cat
happy enough with her window perch and toys
draping her little body around my neck
making biscuits on my shoulder
yowling when left alone too long
likely in heat said the vet
estimating her age at 8 months

I can keep her until October 4th
I told myself
then i'm moving
and it's just not going to work in the new place...
then it was October 4th
i couldn't just abandon her
i needed a miracle...
and i got one!
a daydream in real life
a wish from a rubbed lamp

his name was Mick
he answered my Facebook adoption post
I put Durango in her fleece-lined carrier
packed up all her toys
and met him at an agreed-upon PetSmart

Could that tall, bearded, broad-shouldered man
in my approximate age group
really be him?
it was
I introduced myself with my full name: Serafina Renee
All of that? he joked
yes
All of that i said
looking him straight in the eye
too late in life for caution

i like it he said
all of it
Serefina Renee he mused
and then, barely audibly,
beautiful

He instantly loved Durango
even her strange name
she could be Daisy, I suggested
Daisy Durango...
he smiled
shrugged
we'll see
he dangled the wand toy in front of her
laughed as she went not for the fish at the end
but the pole itself
knocking it down
picking it up adorably in her mouth

he was smitten
not just with the kitten
but clearly with me as well
and i with him
it was an Olympic gold moment
for all three of us

he agreed to the adoption
we chatted as he shopped for Durango
a $200 cat tree
raised food and water bowls
a plush silvery grey bed
handfuls of treats and toys
high quality food

an hour later
Durango padded across our laps
as we kissed on his couch
sweet, melting, magical kisses
fun conversation
meaningful conversation

we played with Durango
and kissed some more
overlooking the Kool-Aid sunset
from the oversized windows
of his luxurious Scottsdale home


none of that happened
of course it didn't
instead 
on October 4th
i took Durango to the PetSmart the rescue agency directed me to
and a very large woman
in a green Jesus t-shirt
whose upper arms looked like overcooked hams
did the adoption intake process
proceeding non-judgementally
as tears rolled down my face

at the end
Durango was placed in a small enclosure
with soft blankets
food
water
a small perch
two small toys from home
just enough to sustain life
far too little for an active young cat

my quiet tears turned to sobs

i needed a miracle
and i got one!

the next day
i treated myself to a pedicure in my new neighborhood
the reviews said the massage chairs were extra powerful
no lie
"Wow" I said
prompting a conversation with the woman next to me
we talked of massage chairs on sale at the fair
current events
of tuning out current events
to preserve sanity
we talked about pets
and of course Durango

"Aww, she's cute"
my kids have lots of friends who love pets
i'll send her picture to my network

two days later
a lovely, responsible 22 year old girl had a new cat
and that evening on Instagram
i saw four pictures
of my beautiful Durango
with the caption
What should I name my adorable new kitten?

and of course that didn't happen either
but at least my pedicure neighbor tried


we met for coffee a few days later
i like new friends
they make me feel
just a little bit
less abandoned