deepundergroundpoetry.com
Five Points Of The Red Star
Holy site sits in rust
Long lost to biblical periphery
Barbaric rituals recycled
God has no claim
Freedom fighters
Radicalized in bloodshed
Kill the scripture through absolute
You wear it well
Misogynistic berserkers
Oath breakers, throne collectors
Falling upward
Shrapnel of Nazarene
Punctured in the sacrament
Faith, wear it down
Dine on the guts
Cattle that was your own
A slaughter orchestrated tenfold
Your war is error
Your eyes no longer see
Both sides stumble and execute
For the world knows
You can’t help but violate it
Hand wave the families you buried
Future’s a bloody grave
Long lost to biblical periphery
Barbaric rituals recycled
God has no claim
Freedom fighters
Radicalized in bloodshed
Kill the scripture through absolute
You wear it well
Misogynistic berserkers
Oath breakers, throne collectors
Falling upward
Shrapnel of Nazarene
Punctured in the sacrament
Faith, wear it down
Dine on the guts
Cattle that was your own
A slaughter orchestrated tenfold
Your war is error
Your eyes no longer see
Both sides stumble and execute
For the world knows
You can’t help but violate it
Hand wave the families you buried
Future’s a bloody grave
Published 15th Oct 2023
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Anonymous
15th Oct 2023 9:28pm
I think one of the gifts of poetry is to be able to process the world around us. It would be all too easy to turn on the news and write an opinion piece, but I like that this observes what’s going on in a quiet and unassuming way.
I seemed to zone in on the last lines of each verse which are really lyrical in the face of such adversity. It really struck me that if you read each of those lines in succession it becomes this micro poem within the poem adding this extra layer to the consideration of the imagery.
The lack of punctuation really works in a piece like this. It keeps the thoughts fluid throughout your poem which carries it through from beginning to end. The structure also strikes me that this could so easily be set to music… I could hear it in my mind as I was reading.
You did a really sensitive subject considerable justice.
I seemed to zone in on the last lines of each verse which are really lyrical in the face of such adversity. It really struck me that if you read each of those lines in succession it becomes this micro poem within the poem adding this extra layer to the consideration of the imagery.
The lack of punctuation really works in a piece like this. It keeps the thoughts fluid throughout your poem which carries it through from beginning to end. The structure also strikes me that this could so easily be set to music… I could hear it in my mind as I was reading.
You did a really sensitive subject considerable justice.
