Selling Your Soul

My fingertips tremble as I grasp the wheel
The night is falling
a light rain pours onto the glass
I open the mirror overhead
Gazing at a face covered in paint
Blush lipstick mascara
A perfect beauty
Gazing at a face covered in lies
My stomach it starts to turn
I fight this uneasy feeling
A feeling not so unfamiliar
Fingers reaching down now
to start the engine
On it goes
Pressing onto the pedal
in reverse
Is this a metaphor for my life?
In reverse I back up and out onto the roads
Into drive now
It begins
Heart racing
Racing down the road
Cold air filling my lungs
Its so cold now
Turning on the hot air
Warming my arms
I can see the Goosebumps and tiny hairs standing on end
I am warmer now
The Goosebumps do not fade
The chill comes from within
Pretty frosted eyes scanning the scene
Searching for those white cars
Bold letters on the side
Sirens on top
None in sight
This is NOT the wrong thing
I lie again and again
getting closer now
Vast empty parking lot in sight
Scanning the scene:
a lone car is what I search for
Time stills
My heart is beating so fast but slows
I tune out the radio blaring and can hear the echoing
My own breathing
Something like traveling through a tunnel
Sweaty palms turning the wheel
And then up ahead
The lone car
Dark sky overhead
Night has fallen
I roll up to it
turn off the engine
I peer over
Fake smile etched on lips
A dark hat and glasses
I gather myself
Exhale
Air escaping my lips
Dignity releasing into the atmosphere
I have on a coat
Reaching into the pocket I feel around
Smooth and ready
A blade sits
A plastic cover
Surrounding my lipstick
In I slip my car key
Out I step
Cool night air violently seeping into my lungs
I walk to the door
He rolls down the window
I see the unsightly face and eager smile
I swallow my pride
We exchange words
I walk around the other side
Heels hitting the pavement
The click of the lock
I open the door
I sit in on the seat
He moves close
Gorgeous he murmurs
I move in reluctantly
he feels for me
grimy hands reaching in my top
Feeling my nipples
They are erect
He starts to rub and forces his lips onto mine
I want to wash my mouth but take him in
His lips are like that of dirty sewage
He quickly roams my body
I am on autopilot now
A manikin of filth and desire
Fingers prodding
into my insides
Seeping fluid
Against my will
I hold him in my hands
I wrap my fingers around him
He moans out for me
Exasperated
Exaggerated moans
Escape my lips
I think this is the sound
of all that has gone wrong
In my life
Escaping my lips
Over and over
I want to hurry it up
He tries to make it last longer
Stroking up and down
He grabs the back of my neck trying to force it down
An animal
Sexual rage
And excitement
Seeming to forget our agreement
I tell him no and my hands roam to my pocket
The blade is in mind
I am always ready
But then
He stops...
It shoots out
Anxious
I exhale
uneasy feeling lingering
hands covered in white filth
He laughs and mutters something about my appearance
I don't listen
I wipe my hands on my jacket
He reaches into his pocket
A cold hundred
My eyes dart to the bill.
Placed in my hands now
An exchange of words.
I step out into the cold night
A sense or relief
It is over...
For now.