A Beacon

My life...

I'd like to say it's rough.
When in fact, it's fairly lax.

Still, in my mind, all I see is darkness.
And I want a light.

Some sort of beacon.
I can always look at when all seems lost.

I have one now.
Sort of.

She's wonderful.
Beautiful.
Funny.
Charming.

But she can never be mine.
We can only remain friends, albeit very close friends.

I know she stills feels guilt.
Whenever I bring this problem I have up with her.

It's not her fault.
She can't love me, I'm okay with it.

But I still want someone to love me.
Now more than ever.

My life is nosediving.
My mind makes things darker each day.

I need a new kind of beacon.
One that reciporcates the feelins I want.

The feelings I crave.
I need.

As much as I hope I'll find a source of light,
My mind, and even my heart, tells me I won't.

No one would want me.
I can't blame them.

I'm too moody.
Too awkward.

I get so down on myself.
I push people away.

No one wants that.
No one wants a broken little boy.

There's a difference between a sensitive man,
And a little parasite, who feeds off others light.

No, I won't find my beacon.
But I sincerely hope...

Everyone else can find theirs.