deepundergroundpoetry.com
Layers
Layers upon layers of overlapping love
Entrenched in a deep web of intentions
Seeds that were planted yet will never
See the light of day
Large and looming walls encompass the landscape
Shrouded in a mist of your own creation
Long has it dwelt in the shadows of your absence
My heart lay hidden, just the way you left it
Brick after brick the towers crumble
Cool morning breeze parts the clouds
Letting in small rays of sunshine
Illuminating my life
Long has the journey been
Time the only cure for this wound
For as these protective layers crumble
I begin to rise once more
Entrenched in a deep web of intentions
Seeds that were planted yet will never
See the light of day
Large and looming walls encompass the landscape
Shrouded in a mist of your own creation
Long has it dwelt in the shadows of your absence
My heart lay hidden, just the way you left it
Brick after brick the towers crumble
Cool morning breeze parts the clouds
Letting in small rays of sunshine
Illuminating my life
Long has the journey been
Time the only cure for this wound
For as these protective layers crumble
I begin to rise once more
Published 27th Jul 2023
Author's Note
My first attempt to write a poem. I think I have read enough to use the correct format. Looking for any kind of feedback.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 21
reading list entries 2
comments 16
reads 600
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
27th Jul 2023 3:35am
I love this. It is emotive and relatable. Wonderful imagery. Thank you for sharing
Anonymous
- Edited 29th Dec 2023 8:45pm
27th Jul 2023 2:15pm
<< post removed >>
27th Jul 2023 11:44pm
Very vivid and visual and captures an aesthetic of life experience. The moral and metaphorical premise seem to be intertwined quite well. For the given format, you show a lot of potential. Looking forward to seeing more from you. Thanks for sharing.
28th Jul 2023 10:51am
30th Jul 2023 1:09am
Wonderful writing with great imagery. I love the title too. Layers... so many layers to us all. I look forward to more of your work.
Anonymous
- Edited 22nd Oct 2023 4:45pm
30th Jul 2023 11:18pm
<< post removed >>
30th Jul 2023 11:56pm
Great first piece A212. I enjoyed the the opening and how you
really did add layers to each section. You're a bit of a builder.
Metaphors were pretty cool too.
really did add layers to each section. You're a bit of a builder.
Metaphors were pretty cool too.
1st Aug 2023 4:11am
3rd Aug 2023 9:44am
15th Aug 2023 2:47am
Unrequited love or an abused heart is difficult to swallow. Yet the power and will to overcome that heartbreak makes one stronger. Nicely written for your first poem. Don't hesitate to upload more of your work here. Welcome to the deep under.
13th Sep 2023 00:34am
Anonymous
- Edited 7th Apr 2024 6:45am
30th Sep 2023 6:49am
<< post removed >>
8th Oct 2023 4:12pm
Those wounds leave some interesting marks on the spirit & the heart. And beautiful poetry! Look forward to seeing where your next poetic journey takes you. 😊 ~Willow
I share everybody's sentiment on this fine poem. For your first, it shows a lot of promise and delivers quite an intense experience. I would also like to commend you for escaping the trap of being literal and heavy-handed with the feelings expressed. No small feat! Good job.
Mundus
Mundus
20th Oct 2023 8:44am
21st Oct 2023 5:36am
