Experience got me here

Alone and prone  
Lonely but not frightened  
Only by my self yet unshaken  
To love now is more of a burden  
I have learned, unlearned and now relearning  
Solitude became my solace  
In melancholy I'm an ace  
Wondering how i got here?  
My ordeal is all i have to share  
Experience got me here  
 
Self sacrifice always anchored my histrionic feelings.  
Nothing mattered but affection  
I fought tooth and nail to keep a blue love flame,  
May be I should have read the signs, am to blame  
Relationship after another until i was over dosed with tablets of spurn  
I was never given the taste of my own medicine  
Lemons were thrown at me and forced to make lemonade  
My kindness was weaponised against me,  
It was taken for weakness.  
There was never me, it was always us  
I always took care,  
And that was taken for despair.  
Dolefully, there was never energy reciprocation  
 
At the verge of the queiteous of my love feelings,  
It felt like my world was crumbling, nothing seemed to make sense  
I would willingly offer anything to hear half the breath of love but all in vain.  
I was struck hard with a hate cane.  
Sugar coated rejection after another  
Love became the bane of my existence and an instrument emotional and psychological torture  
In a bid to prove my love, i lost the wheels to my future  
 
I lived a life like I was born with a silverspoon of love in my mouth until I faced the wrath of reality  
I had to learn the hard way that love was vanity.  
Every soul i met had its agenda that to align such with mine was a battle i gave my all until I was forced to surrender.  
Perhaps my soulmate died way before i was born, or may be she was never created. If not, the soulmate doctrine is probably a hoax or merely a facade.  
I counted each day of my calendar, Frequented bars, drunk my self off stripping to the mercy of the bartender.  
Today I face the world with bare knuckles  
I knew less of the thin line between the two extreme ends of love and hate.  
 
My heart feels like a war zone  
A battle field like how it was once in the trafalgar square  
I was simply a pawn at the mercy of every player  
I was kicked and tossed beyond repair,  
Treated like my heart had a spare,  
But for love i always had to blindly adhere.  
It was hope that anchored my soul.  
The once love that burnt like hell fires to the magnitude of a blast furnace all vanquished.  
Glumly i seat in the ashes of my love that went up in smoke.  
Like a shadow overtime my love vanished  
My soul now wonders in purgatory  
Alas, the judges here are clueless about the prologue.  
Hey Judge!!  accuse me of anything,  
I will plead the fifth  
Experience got me here.