deepundergroundpoetry.com
Apothecary
Liquidize all my passions
Feed them to me like lies
On the rise with bastions
Leaving me hypnotized
Isolate all my failures
Coax the wound with ice
I'll become your impaler
In love and in demise
Morph into my nemesis
Something to idolize
Bored of broken promises
Maiming me tantalized
Swallow toxins in my veins
For you to purify.
Feed them to me like lies
On the rise with bastions
Leaving me hypnotized
Isolate all my failures
Coax the wound with ice
I'll become your impaler
In love and in demise
Morph into my nemesis
Something to idolize
Bored of broken promises
Maiming me tantalized
Swallow toxins in my veins
For you to purify.
Published 14th Jun 2023
| Edited 15th Jun 2023
Author's Note
Thank you for reading.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 1
comments 2
reads 154
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Wow; that last line drops like a stone in a wishing well and ripples
back and forth.
Your vocabulary and rhyme are superb.
I would lose the second 'the' in S1 L3 / S2 L2
On the rise with [the] bastions
Coax the wound with [the] ice
I wanted to say the final couplet vs line; however, there's something missing or it's not reading right to me in the first line. I keep going back and forth with suggestions but am not happy with any. I think sometimes you just have to leave poetry alone and allow it to make you feel somewhat uncomfortable, so you step out of your box and think.
Afterall, we never really know what reactions are going to occur from a chemical process.
Excellent offering.
back and forth.
Your vocabulary and rhyme are superb.
I would lose the second 'the' in S1 L3 / S2 L2
On the rise with [the] bastions
Coax the wound with [the] ice
I wanted to say the final couplet vs line; however, there's something missing or it's not reading right to me in the first line. I keep going back and forth with suggestions but am not happy with any. I think sometimes you just have to leave poetry alone and allow it to make you feel somewhat uncomfortable, so you step out of your box and think.
Afterall, we never really know what reactions are going to occur from a chemical process.
Excellent offering.
19th Jun 2023 4:23am
