deepundergroundpoetry.com
Customer profiles
We are all capable of being assholes (Me especially). But if you are working behind a till you can't escape them.
The Good Customer
Comes in, picks something, brings it to the till, pays and leaves. May say thanks, but thanks is only necessary, if the till attendant has packed their bag or carried something heavy.
The Lonely Customer
Comes in, takes a long time picking something, stands at the till and begins to tell their entire life story, from birth up until the present. Then begins on the present state of affairs. After a long one-way conversation, in which all their depressions, worries, and hang ups have been put inside the till attendants head, they leave, smiling and happy. Can offer up great conversation, but most of the time chews out the mundane.
The Silent Customer
Comes in, silent, picks up something, says nothing, refuses to say a word. Buys it leaves. Without any interaction. Easy work for till attendants. Even if it feels as if they have served an android.
The Rushed Customer
Comes in, grabs something, and is angry because the speed of the transaction isn’t fast enough. Often wastes time saying “I am in a rush,” more than once, then leaves. Is tolerable but can stack up annoyance over the course of the day if too many enter the shop.
The Pervert Customer
Comes in regularly, doesn’t really want anything, spends a lot of time smiling at the attendant. Asks strange personal questions. Begins to flirt, and isn’t worried that the till attendant can’t get away. Finds the situation a turn on. Only leaves when someone else comes into the shop. Depending on the pervert, it can give the till attendant an ego boost, but mainly makes them uncomfortable.
The Comedian Customer,
Comes in, choses something, makes a joke, sometimes funny, most of the time not, and pays and leaves. Sometimes humor is welcome, not always, as not everyone’s humor is compatible. Sometimes comedian customer’s jokes are racist, lecherous and always offensive.
The Angry Customer
Barges in, with a look of rage, searching for something to shout about. Snatches something, slams it onto the counter, in a rush, thrusts money into the till attendants hand, snatches the change back. If anything goes wrong at the shelves, or the tills, a huge tantrum blasts into the air, they scream for the manager, and if there is no manager they walk away slamming the door behind them.
The Drunk Customer (can also turn into the drunk angry customer)
Staggers in smelling of vodka, or whisky, or cider, eyes up another bottle, and smiles in the hope that they will get served. If the customer can barely stand, the law prohibits the sale of alcohol. Begging ensues, and if they don’t get their fix, sometimes violence. And then they leave without another drink. It is best to serve if they look like they can make it home. Sometimes they come back if the first bottle wasn’t enough. It is always saddening to see the devastation of alcohol.
The Hot Customer
Comes in, knowing that they are hot, takes their time picking something, loves to watch the till attendant blush. The till attendant may style it and serve with a cool sophistication. More than often stutters, and botches the most basic of actions. If hot customer is with partner, awkwardness fills the room.
The Patronizing Snob Customer
Comes in, dressed in expensive clothes that don’t suit them. Looks at the till attendant as if they were a subspecies. Treats till attendant as if they are stupid. Associates retail work with low I.Q. Asks for the most expensive thing, knowing that the shop won’t have it. And makes a big deal about having to get an inferior brand. Being inside the shop makes them retch. They leave with their goods in a rush.
The Rich Customer
Comes in, dressed in more expensive clothes than the snob, but unlike the snob, makes no attempt to flex about their wealth. Usually follows the routine of a good customer. But a slight twinkle in their eyes lets the till attendant know, that everyone knows they are very rich.
Addition
The After Hours Lingerer Customer
Comes in close to closing time, browses everything slowly, is unresponsive to polite warnings that the shop is closing, and is closed. Pays in cash and large amounts of change so the till count has to be redone, then moves towards the door, but stands there on the threshold, staring into space, until three or four not so polite warnings to get out, finally register that the shop closed.
Published 13th Jun 2023
| Edited 14th Jun 2023
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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13th Jun 2023 5:19pm
Nicely penned observations of the many facets that we humans portray publicly ...
I remember working retail and absolutely hating the 'Karen's and Kevin's" that would patron. They're not new inventions, they've always been around I just think recently, that they've seemingly gotten more outspoken, so it feels like they're a new phenomenon.
It pretty much boils down to, treat people how you want to be treated. Aka - don't be an unnecessary asshole.
Wonderful breakdown, James.
I totally enjoyed it.
🌹💙
I remember working retail and absolutely hating the 'Karen's and Kevin's" that would patron. They're not new inventions, they've always been around I just think recently, that they've seemingly gotten more outspoken, so it feels like they're a new phenomenon.
It pretty much boils down to, treat people how you want to be treated. Aka - don't be an unnecessary asshole.
Wonderful breakdown, James.
I totally enjoyed it.
🌹💙
14th Jun 2023 4:55pm
Thanks for reading.
I have served hundreds of people, maybe even thousands. some memorable. I see the karens and kevins, some are just assholes, others maybe suffering from mental health. Its a fine line. But the till attendant sees all. Thanks for you apt words. You are right that they have been with us ever since the first shop was a thing. glad you enjoyed it.
Regards
James
I have served hundreds of people, maybe even thousands. some memorable. I see the karens and kevins, some are just assholes, others maybe suffering from mental health. Its a fine line. But the till attendant sees all. Thanks for you apt words. You are right that they have been with us ever since the first shop was a thing. glad you enjoyed it.
Regards
James
13th Jun 2023 11:13pm
In my sales world I get the "the late order customer"
Texts 5 minutes after we close, wants discounts and an early morning delivery.
Grrrr...
Great descriptions James
Feel ya on this one
BIG LIKE
RL AWARD
Texts 5 minutes after we close, wants discounts and an early morning delivery.
Grrrr...
Great descriptions James
Feel ya on this one
BIG LIKE
RL AWARD
14th Jun 2023 5:01pm
Thanks for reading.
I know the one you mentioned. I think I will put another profile on since you mentioned it.
The after hours lingering Customer. when everyone wants to go home. The worst one I ever had shat on the floor in front of me. He didn't have control of his ass, it just slipped onto the floor. I pretened not to notice and I watched as my manager cleaned it up. One in a thousand customers shit on the floor. Thanks for your kind words.
Regards
James
I know the one you mentioned. I think I will put another profile on since you mentioned it.
The after hours lingering Customer. when everyone wants to go home. The worst one I ever had shat on the floor in front of me. He didn't have control of his ass, it just slipped onto the floor. I pretened not to notice and I watched as my manager cleaned it up. One in a thousand customers shit on the floor. Thanks for your kind words.
Regards
James
14th Jun 2023 3:27pm
Fantastic descriptions of different types of customers... Great observation 👍 Enjoyed this post very much. :)
I feel, I fall in the Good customer category :D
I feel, I fall in the Good customer category :D
14th Jun 2023 5:08pm
Thank you for reading,
Glad you enjoyed it. I fall into many different profiles, I have been nearly all except the rich, snob, hot, and pervert customers. But I make a point of trying to be a good one.
Regards
James
Glad you enjoyed it. I fall into many different profiles, I have been nearly all except the rich, snob, hot, and pervert customers. But I make a point of trying to be a good one.
Regards
James
15th Jun 2023 10:40am
15th Jun 2023 6:13pm
Thanks for reading.
Glad you found it interesting. Transactions are strange to me, even after being on both sides of the till.
Regards
James
Glad you found it interesting. Transactions are strange to me, even after being on both sides of the till.
Regards
James
16th Jun 2023 1:11pm
This is really unique and such a study of humanity, I found it fascinating and very relatable. I would almost always be the the lonely or the comedian.
16th Jun 2023 2:12pm
Thanks for Reading
I comprised this study between 2007-2019. I have been everyone, except a rich, snob, hot or perverted customer. transaction are strange to me, even after completing thousands of them.
Regards
James
I comprised this study between 2007-2019. I have been everyone, except a rich, snob, hot or perverted customer. transaction are strange to me, even after completing thousands of them.
Regards
James
