Wallyroo92, Kung Fu Pupil

Walternate Universe – KFMA-90

“Welcome brother” the man in the gi said as I stepped out of the portal
“We’ve been waiting for you” he added as he came in to view
And I swear I could hear a gong as he approached me getting closer
That’s when my alternate said “here, you are me, and I, am you”

“How did you know I was coming?” I asked him as he bowed reverently
Then he showed his brace “we’ve been trying to pinpoint your location
You’ve been traveling near and far” he added “you must be well versed”
“Traveling the universe?” I said “I’ve been lost and it’s quite the frustration”

“You can rest tonight, eat and sleep because we must begin your training”
“Training?” I asked “Yes, your training, you have a lot of learning to do”
“For what?” I said amused “look at me, I’m pudgy, I’m old and way out of shape”
“First we must train mind” he said “in order to unlock the secrets of…kung fu”

A couple of hours later after having two bowls of Wor Won Ton soup my belly was full
“I have never seen a man eat like that before” he said as he stepped on the matted floor
“Bro, I’ve been to places you wouldn’t believe now I have this task to achieve?
“Your mind and body must be ready” he said “if you’re willing to go to war”

“Whoa, whoa, wait a sec, hold on hung kung phooey, what are you trying to do to me?
Nobody said anything about going to battle when I agreed to travel through parallel worlds”
“Things change” he said “and therefore you must adapt or else be swept away by the tide”
“What are you a philosopher too?” I said as the soup in my tummy felt like it began to twirl

“We don’t have much time, so I’ll show you some moves and techniques”
As I sat on the floor he began “this is called The Cyclone of Shadowed Queens
This one is called The Bear Knuckle Chuckle followed by the Cat’s Drag of the Plagues
And this one is called the Peaceful Fist which hits harder than all war machines”

He continued “This is the Beaver’s Spring Fever combined with the Lazy Dove
This is the Airborne Buddha Pinch of Rebellions and the Salamander’s Jab
The Stab of the Divine Tortoise along with The Fearful Horse Elbow of Loves
And you can add the Eternal Grasp of the Rat with pizzazz and a little dab”

He went on “This one is The Blinding Rhino and The Clasping Owl
The Ghost’s Attack of the Foul Slaughter and The Camel’s Deadly Blow
This is the Anvil Whirlwind of the Arrogant Ape and the Firefly’s Eternal Energy
The Grapple of the Compassionate Fox and this is the Badger Throw”

I said “Seems to me like you’re adding an animal, a verb and something epic”
“There are also mythological creatures we can incorporate as well…
Like The Hinderance of the Winding Dragon and The Tornado of Fire
Or The Break of the Flying Pegasus and the Sage Trip of Saintly Grails”

“You’ve been doing kung fu all your life” I said “I can’t possibly do that
I mean those moves look cool but I couldn’t even do a split on a pea soup”
“Focus” he said “center yourself and you will find it when the right time comes
Your energy will give you the balance you need so you can deliver an ass whoop”

“Do you have to say the name of the move before you perform it?” I asked
“You can, if you want to strike fear in the heart of your opponent you see
Like The Enduring God Swing of the Cyclone and The Celestial Fist of the Seeker
And this one will completely stop your foe, it’s simply called…The Negative Knee”

“Animal, Verb and Something Epic that strikes fear in the heart of my enemy
The Hippopotamus Hip Hop Skip Bop or the Splendid Running of the Bull
What Woodchuck Norris Do? The Sloths Lightning Fast Smacks of Truth
The Mongoose Who’s on the Loose or the Fab Four Beetles’ Deadly Liver Pull”

Sometime later he came to me waking me up out of a deep sleep
“We have a gathering” he said, “You have to meet one more version”
The portal opened in an abandoned warehouse where two others were waiting
One of them was the Magnificent, and the other was my Alter Ego, in person…

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