New Order Bartering

New Order Bartering  
 
     “I see on your records that you once participated in May Day parades. We don’t keep with unionists in the new order. Are you a reformed socialist in keeping with the new collectivism?”  
     Goldie, “You can bet your pants on it. I’d no sooner join a union than sleep with a banker. But hey, I need a job bad. I’ll do any kind of work you have. I can clean, cook, and even sew. Do you need a seamstress? I’m your woman.”  
     Mr. Snyder replies, “Well we don’t need any of those things right now. Can you type?”  
     Goldie says, “Oh hell, I can’t type worth a damn. I flunked typing in high school. Come on. My landlord is about to evict me. I owe two months’ rent. Give me something to do. I promise I will do anything I’m qualified for. I can shine shoes if you want.”  
     Mr. Snyder replies, “Oh my, you are desperate. I’ll see what I can do. I’ll get back to you in a few days.”  
     Goldie says, “Oh come on. You’re fibbing. You and I both know my application will be thrown in the trash and I’ll never hear from you again.”  
     Mr. Snyder replies, “That’s not true. Trust me. I was an eagle scout. I don’t lie.”  
     Goldie says, “Oh so you were in the boy scouts. You seem so straight-laced and proper. You need to have some fun. Don’t be so stiff. I can see by the way you sit and your posture, that you’re uptight. Listen I know just what you need.”  
     Mr. Snyder replies, “And pray tell what might that be Ma’am?”  
     Goldie says, “You need a glute massage. I know it sounds weird. But I know how to do it just right. If you place me at a spa I’ll give you a year of free massages like the police get free coffee at the coffee shop. And you can quiz me to make sure I don’t have a socialism relapse while I give your buns a little piece of heaven. You won’t regret it. I’ve always done it for money. But you look like you need it bad.”  
     Mr. Snyder replies, “Well I don’t know. I’ve never been buttered up in this manner. But it does sound interesting. Listen give me your number. I  
have to think about it.”  
     Goldie says, “No. No numbers. You give me your answer right here and now. Go with your gut feeling. I know you need it. I see it in your face, so tense.”  
     Mr. Snyder replies, “Oh come on lady. Do I look like the type to be swayed by a woman fondling my keister? That is bribery!”  
     Goldie says, “Yep it sure is. And you’ll be in seventh heaven from it. I’m the best you’ll ever have. And I surmise you haven’t had a massage in a long time?”  
     Mr. Snyder replies, “Never is the operative word. But what makes you think I want this?”  
     Goldie says, “Well you haven’t kicked me out of your office. You’re still talking to me. I’ll butter your buns with grape-seed oil for the calypso drum beat that’ll give you an even bigger smile.”  
     Mr. Snyder replies, “You make some good points. I haven’t yet placed anyone in a spa. But I’ll tap the keyboard and find something you will like. I’m going to clock out early.”  
     Goldie says, “In between those keystrokes I’ll let my fingers do the walking on your tush.”  
     Mr. Snyder replies, “Shall we do this deed at your place or mine?”  
     Goldie says, “Oh honey let’s go to my place. If you like it, and I know you will, we can do this every week. I never in a million years thought I’d do this to get a job. But I’m excited, are you? You’re so wound up I can’t tell.”  
     Mr. Snyder replies, “My young lady, I’m on the verge of backing out.”  
     Goldie says, “You won’t sir. That I know as sure as I know men. I am the voice of experience.”  
     Mr. Snyder says, “I will expect ideological purity. No more flirting with old school socialism.”  
     “The only socialism I’ll fool around with is our arrangement. You can bank on it.”  
     “Banks are a capitalist institution best left on the dust heap of history.”  
     “Alright, honey. We will barter.”