Escape

You told me I needed to change, something was wrong with my brain. So i kept bending and bending, but you still called me crazy, and honestly I was starting to feel like maybe I wasn’t sane.

But no matter how much I changed, it was never enough. You wanted me to break. Years spent walking on egg shells, terrified to make a simple mistake, all the sleepless nights I lied awake, filled with heartache wondering how much more could I take?

And when you’d feel me pulling away, you always knew exactly what to say in order to make me stay. So I’d tell myself everything will be okay, and it was…as long as I made sure to obey. You were the predator and I was your prey.

The manipulation and gaslighting put me in a constant state of fight or flight, and yet I still held onto you so tight, I believed if I just loved you harder it would make everything alright.

But the good times became few and far between, the fights turned into a weekly routine. Darling, you can be so viciously mean. I tried to defend myself against your verbal abuse but that was like mixing fire with gasoline. I felt so unseen.

I just wanted to show you that you were the man I adore but you made me feel like loving me was a chore. Countless nights I spent crying on the bathroom floor, while you screamed and yelled on the opposite side of the door. My soul grew tired and sore. The pain became to hard to ignore. I knew the man I fell in love with didn’t exist anymore.

Broken and defeated I fell to my knees, I knew I had to pick myself up and flee. You would never let me free. I was the only one who could save me, I finally understood I always held the key.