if you hated me

it’d be easier if you hated me.
if you didn’t hold me closer as i’m breaking down inside
if you didn’t kiss me and tell me it would be okay.
to hate me
to walk away from me and not speak again
to throw rocks at the mirror in my heart till it breaks
but that’s far from you.
even when i try to hate you instead
i feel those hands that wrap around me getting tighter as my tears fall onto that black sweatshirt
as my throat clenches trying not to let it all out onto you.
as those lips fall onto my forehead
my mind disconnects from my heart
and even though it hurts sometimes
i don’t want to ever let go
i don’t want to feel the touch of someone else
here my chest hurts
and my eyes are starting to water
droplets like rain landing on my keyboard as i write
all because you don’t hate me
but in-fact quite the opposite